The Kiss of a MarySue
by Lilly McShepin
Summary: Legolas is found to have the dreadful disease... the kiss of a Mary-Sue! In order to cure him, the elves of Rivendell must read aloud to him various Mary-Sue tales - but at the risk of their own sanity.
1. The KISS!

**This is what a restless night does to you. Watch out people - it's another badly written humor coming right at you!**

* * *

Legolas paced up and down the halls in Rivendell, his head bent and his face bearing a frown. Two young elven maids sat in a tree near a window that was near Legolas - so of course they could see everything the handsome prince did. They giggled and clutched at their hearts when he shot an annoyed glance at them. The diplomatic elf refrained from yelling at them, proclaiming to the world that he was married to an elf in Mirkwood and throwing a nearby vase at them.

Instead he just threw the vase at them.

The two young elven maids fell out of the tree - shooting hurt and longing looks after the frustrated archer who was storming down the halls, away from their direction.

~*~

Elladan and Elrohir peered cautiously into the bedroom - their eyes wide. Glorfindel raised an eyebrow as he neared - pausing in surprise as he heard a string of venomous curses fly out from the said bedroom.

Upon further inspection - it was revealed to the occupants of Rivendell that Legolas Thranduilion was the only one in the room. He was furiously jumping up and down on his bags, struggling to get everything to fit in so he could shut it. "WHAT DO YOU WANT?!" He snapped angrily, not looking up at the trio standing in his doorway.

"He's been like this all day." Elladan murmured to Glorfindel, his eyes wide - completely ignoring the prince's shout.

"He's been like this all WEEK!" Elrohir whispered, his eyes wider than his twin's - ALSO completely ignoring the prince's shout.

Glorfindel said nothing at all. He backed out of the room slowly and shut the door. His footsteps could be heard echoing around them as he raced away from that room as fast as possible.

~*~

"Let me go!!!" Legolas yelled desperatly, fighting to get out of Glorfindel's VERY strong and Erestor's moderatly strong grip. "I _must _leave Rivendell!" He bit Erestor's hand - but the stern faced advisor had had his share of papercuts in his long life and had developed a surprisingly high level of pain tolerance. Glorfindel looked impressed.

Lord Elrond directed the two elves to hold the prince down upon the table. "Valar - Legolas!" Elrond snapped in exasperation. "Both of your Eru forsaken legs are broken and if I don't set them soon they will begin to mend crooked and IT WILL BE MORE PAINFUL AND WILL TAKE LONGER TO HEAL!"

"Just get it over with!" The prince moaned hopelessly - slumping in Glorfindel and Erestor's arms. "All is lost! I will never walk again! If only I had looked both ways before crossing the street... I wouldn't have been trampled! Oh - if only I was a better person! But no! It is because of me that my mother died! It is my fault my father hates me! I am such a horrible, useless, ugly, untalented elf... who will ever love me? Ah! Woes me..."

Elrond froze - his hands darting to Legolas' neck. And he found what he feared.. it was a horrible, dreadful discovery... it was the crimson red lipstick kiss mark of a Mary-Sue.

~*~

_The Kiss of a Mary-Sue:_

_A dreadful disease transmitted by the DNA of a Mary-Sue. It is most often transmitted to elves, but it has been found taking form in men - most often in Rangers. It causes bouts of anger, discomfort, self loathing, anst, sudden shows of affection, emotional pain, flash backs, amnesia, love of pink, kissing, brotherly affection, and most often: screaming and much mental anguish._

_The only known cure is the reading of the story "The Life of a Mary-Sue" - which contains many stories containing differant sub species of the Mary-Sue. However, no known being has survived this cure without permanant mind damage and it has caused many deaths by suicide._

_The Healing Mind - Written by E.L Flord_

Elrond had set Legolas' legs while the prince was in his angsty, self loathing state - because the beloved archer believed that he DESERVED the pain. He had conversed with Glorfindel, Erestor, and both of his sons... and they couldn't come up with any other solution.

In order to cure the prince of the terrible Kiss of a Mary-Sue, they would have to submit him to several various Mary-Sue tales.

May Eru help them all.

* * *

**I am tired. I am bored. And I am drinking orange soda. And this fic is the offspring of such.**

**So do not expect much from this story.**


	2. XxXCalliopeMuse of EpicsXxX

**I have decided that I am going to use ACTUAL Mary-Sue story clips. So - I apologize if your brain melts.**

**

* * *

**Legolas had been strapped down to a bed - both legs had thick splints on them (due to the fact that he hadn't looked both ways before crossing the street and was trampled by Glorfindel's horse) and his head was cushioned with a fluffy pillow. Elladan and Elrohir sat on either side of him, patting his arms comfortingly but not daring to touch the... kiss.

Radagast the Brown had been notified by Lord Elrond and has summoned the great Eagles. They had understood the Prince's plight and had flown to Mordor and _behind _Mount Doom there was a great tower. Painted pink. With sparkles. And at the top of this tower was a pedestal. And upon the pedestal was a large book. Written in pink highlighter. Signed with a kiss on every page. And covered in perfume and sparkles. It was... *dramatic music* the book of the Mary-Sues.

So now Elrond had the book in his hands (which were, of couse, gloved) and he was breathing through a mask. He lifted up the cover - causing sparkles to blow into the air, causing both Glorfindel and Erestor to start choking.

Elrond took a deep breath, motioning for his two advisers to sit down. His sons tightened their grip on Legolas' arms, holding him in place. Legolas had now gone into the 'everybody hates me because I'm a horrible elf' stage and so he apologized over and over to them for them having to touch his disgusting skin and be near his horrifying presence. The lord of Rivendell began to read...

~*~

I'm in MIDDLE EARTH! by XxXCalliope-Muse of EpicsXxX

_A/N: yay a LOTR fic! wOOt!!! Okay, time to get started…_

_btw, this is VERY au i just wanted to do the book MY way, y'know?_

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_Ella unpacked her bags, putting her stuff away as a tear rolled down her pale cheek and long, graceful neck. Ella Harrison had dark, beautiful curls; not the little, bouncy curls, but large, luscious ones. She also had butiful eyefor around her pimpil there were streaks of lavender and in the middle jade green and on the brim light blue. Waves of emotion sadnes and despar engulf her mind as she drowned in her drac thouts (A/N: I love that: I think i did a great job on that sentence)_

_"Ella! called a mean voice the fifteen-year-old turned around to see her cousin Haley, who was her age, standing in the door._

_"yeah" Ella wiped away her tears as she stood up_

_"qell, since your moving into my room, ya cant tuch my stuff, kay" she nodded._

_"fine"_

_Five months had passed since her parents were killed in a car accident of course, it took awhil for all the legal crap to get sorted out but then they made a decisio she was to stay with her uncle sam and Aunt jemima (A/N: like the surup lol) she was heart-broeken, and now her life sucked_

_and do to make matters worse school started the next day_

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_Ella raced down the steps quickly while swinging her bag onto her back_

_"Oh, my god!!!!" she screamed "It's almost eight" nd with that she rushed out the door it was the first day of school and for some awful reason she was late which totally sucked._

_She looked at her clock: 7:51. Oh, crapShe thought as she hurryd across the street suddenyl Ella saw a bright light as a big truck came down the road, the sun reflecting off of its mirrors it was going really fast and the driver obviously didn't see her so she screamed, and then suddenly everything went balck_

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_her eyelids fltered open and she saw a ceiling with a weally freakish design upon it. "where am I She felt tired, and her dark, luscious curls rested upon her bear shoulders. There was a crème colored blanket laid over her, and she could here the sound of birds singing and stuff. "Hello" she shouted. "Is anyone here" she asked "and wy th e fu am i naeked?!1_

_"You're in Rivendell" said a voice. She sat up to see………..an elf??!?!?!? He was cute, she had to admit that. He was about her age, probably a few years older. He had straight blonde hair that reached his chest and kind, yet piercing blue eyes that dug through her soul and she gaped at him in awe._

_"-what? -where am I!!_

_"Rivendell." Ella glanced around the room. Rivendell…she had heard that before. Haley, her nasty cousin, had told her a bit about some book or movie with a place called "Rivendell" in it. There was supposed to be some Emwond guy who owned it or something…_

_neanwhile the elf was staring at her amazed and awed by her beauty I'm Legolas." she stared up at him_

_"How'd I get here?" He shrugged._

_"We don't know. We just found you on the road unconscious." She remembered the truck,_

_"Bu-…but….I…" He looked at her kindly._

_"I'm sorry, but I can't help you out. I must go somewhere. I really am sorry." With that he bowed, leaving her in the room._

_'wait why am i NAKEd!?!?1"_

_As he left, her haunting beauty lingered in his mind. God, she's hawt… he thought. Especailly naked…_

_she got out of the bedn dannd found a dress it ahad a blak corset with blak lace it was blak w/ blak russles n stuf_

_she g o tinto it_

_"Come in." The door opened to reveal two short boys with strawberry blonde locks and merry faces._

_"Oh, wrong room," said the taller. But, before the two could close the door, she forced it open._

_"Wait, tell me what's goin' on!" They just stared._

_"I'm sorry, I don't know who you are!" one said._

_"qait, just tell me your names…" ella requested_

_"i'm pippin," said the shorter one he pointed to the one next to him. "this is mery_

_"Ok, she nodded "Can you take me to…um…the guy who's in charge of this place? Emwond?"_

_"You mean elrond" asked merry_

_"Yeah, Elrond!" they nodded. okay wait outside." She went bak outside. "okay lets go"_

_She followed them down the sunlit halls, until, suddenly, they stopped in front of a door. "here's the door," Merry said. "just nok" and with that they left she knocked and after a moment the door opened to reveal a cruellooking elf with brown hair and sharp eyes_

_"Um…hi," she said "um…I'm the girl you found unconscious on the road? I was wondering if I could talk to you…"_

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_A/N: So do u like it? Plz review!_

~*~

There was a mad scramble to the door by Elladan, Elrohir, Glorfindel, and Elrond (who had dropped the book in horror). But Erestor had thought in advance and had locked the door. Legolas was looking at them all haughtily - for he had gone into the 'stuck up prince who believes he is better than anybody else' stage.

Erestor helped the horrified elves back to their seats, once more handing Elrond the book. He had no fear for Mary-Sues. He was never paired with one. Secretly, Glorfindel felt that Erestor was incredibly brave and strong if he could even TOUCH the dreadful book without wincing... or screaming.

* * *

**Not very good - I am well aware. I read that story (yes - it is a true story) annd I couldn't figure out if it was a troll or a true Mary-Sue... but... it's horrible either way.**

**My sister has a cold and it looks like Phoebe will have to get her tonsils removed.**

***sighs***


	3. Faerlain

**It appears that people are having a hard time believing that in the last chapter, that story had actually been written. And it wasn't making fun of the Mary-Sue. *shakes head sadly* What IS this world coming to? Literature used to have a meaning... but - alas... it seems that those days are gone...**

**I have scoured this website looking for a Mary-Sue that would be suitable for this chapter and... *dramatic music*... I didn't find it.**

**Phoebe did.**

**So, have fun. If you start to feel nauseous please don't get sick on the computer screen or the keyboard. It would make it harder to review.**

* * *

Love Conquers All by Faerlain

_"I'm leaving today  
Living it, leaving it to change_

_Slowly drifting into a peaceful breeze  
Tongue tied, twisted are all my memories  
Celebrating a fantasy come true  
Packing all my bags finally on the move_

_I'm leaving today  
I'm living it, leaving it to change_

_As I'm driving I'm captured by the view  
Of so much beauty, the road becomes my muse  
The heat is rising and my head soars through the wind  
Cool, calm, collective is a child that lost a thing_

_I'm leaving today  
I'm living it, I'm leaving it to change  
I'm leaving today  
I'm living it, I'm leaving it to change  
But somehow I'm missing  
I think I really miss it _

_Don't walk away  
And I'm feeling like I've never felt before  
Turn down the memories of yesteryears and broken dreams  
I'm free, finally free_

_Slowly drifting into a peaceful breeze_

_I'm leaving today  
I'm living it, leaving it to change  
See I'm leaving today  
I'm living it, I'm leaving it to change  
I'm leaving today (I'm leaving it to change)  
Living it, I'm leaving it to change_

_Living it, leaving it  
Said I'm living it, leaving it  
Living it, leaving it to change  
(I'm leaving it to change)  
But somehow I miss it  
I think I really miss it  
One day"_

_("Cruz" - Christina Aguilera ™) _

_Amy grinned to herself as she zoomed down the M25, on her way to London. She had her Stripped album playing full blast in her car, and she loved it._

_Her silver convertible shone in the bright May sunshine, reflecting every ray. She had the roof down and her sunglasses on. She was cool, single, and free._

_Free. She loved that word. That git Dan would pay for his cheating, but she could wait. For now, she was driving up to London to spend summer with her best mate, Natalie._

_She was a young woman of 23, blonde hair and green eyes. Every boys dream. She was fairly tall, standing proudly at 5"8, and slender with a nice curved figure._

_She leant forward to skip through to the track Voice Within. It started playing, and she smiled to herself. It was one of her favourite songs, and she felt it was rather symbolic to her._

_Since she had been four years old, she had lived in an orphanage. Her parents had been killed in a boating accident, and so she had been orphaned. They had no other family, and so her mothers' friend had offered to adopt her, but she had been found unfit to keep children. So Social Services had put her into an orphanage, and she had hated every moment._

_Except when Natalie had turned up. She was orphaned at the age of ten, and she and Amy had clicked straight away. They got on like a house on fire, and when they were living in the orphanage together, they would never be found apart. Then, when they were old enough to get jobs and move out, Natalie had got a job as a fashion designer up in London, and so Amy had been left alone again. But she visited whenever she could, and they always had loads of fun together._

_Up ahead she could see a major traffic jam, and she sighed. That was the big drawback of the M25. Always huge traffic jams. She reached it, and stopped. She turned her CD player down a bit, and sat back to wait._

_All of a sudden, there was a huge bang behind her. She turned round, just in time to see a huge tanker sliding her way on its side. She screamed, tried to get out the car, but it was too late. The tanker hit her car, and she saw no more._

_~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*_

_Birds singing. All around her, the sound of birds singing. The ground beneath her was soft, and there were beautiful smells everywhere. She slowly opened her eyes._

_Trees were above her, and through the branches she could spy bright blue sky. She groaned at her aching body, and gradually sat up, holding her head. She looked all around._

_It was incredible. Trees and flowers everywhere, no matter which way she looked. She was sat on lush green grass, such as she had never seen before. She had never seen a sight like his before. She did come from Dorset, a county in England filled with countryside, but nothing could meet the beauty of this clearing. _

_She struggled to her feet, and gasped at a pain in her leg. She looked down, and saw blood leaking through her dark blue jeans. There were no signs of any other inhabitants, yet she did not feel as alone as she thought she would._

_//But where on Earth am I?//_

~*~

"STOP ALREADY!" Legolas screamed, holding his ears painfully - his eyes wide and crazed. "My homeland does not LOOK LIKE THAT!" He shuddered. "That sounds like... like... like... I DON'T KNOW WHAT! Beautiful smells everywhere? Doesn't she know that my father's realm has been cloaked in darkness and evil? Lush green grass?! Agh!"

Elladan and Elrohir cheered, hugging Legolas tightly. "It's working! It's working!" They cheered happily. "You are snapping out of the Sue's spell!"

Elrond shook his head sadly, breaking up the celebration. "It will get worse before it gets better, my sons. He has still not felt the full effects of the Kiss. The entire book must be read until he is healed."

Erestor was patting Glorfindel on the arm comfortingly. "It's not that bad." The advisor fought back a laugh as he saw the warrior of Gondolin flinch when Elrond began to read once more.

~*~

_She hobbled over to a nearby rock, and carefully sat down to inspect her leg. It had a long gash in it, and she knew she would be scarred for life. She could hardly remember anything, except a large bang._

_She sat there for a few minutes, trying to work things out in her head. She had nothing with her, no bag, no money, or her phone. Though she doubted she could get a signal out here in the middle of nowhere anyway._

_She had the strange feeling that she was being watched, and a shiver ran down her spine. She felt rather cold, and wanted her jacket. But she had left it in the car…_

_//The car! The crash!//_

_Everything came flooding back to her. She had been on her way to London, to see Natalie, and there had been a tanker. It had hit her car, and then everything had gone black. And now…she was here, in the middle of nowhere, without any means of contacting anyone. No money, no phone…what was she going to do? Just hope and pray that someone would eventually find her._

_//Not even my hairbrush! I must look a state.//_

_Something sharp suddenly touched the back of her neck, like the thorn of a bush. She went to swipe it away, but a cold, yet calm voice stopped her._

_"Do not move, unless you wish to have an arrow protruding from your neck."_

_She swallowed nervously._

_//Crap, now I'm stuck with a mad lunatic whose got an arrow sticking in my neck! Has this raving idiot kidnapped me?//_

_Whoever was holding the arrow took it away from her neck, and walked round to face her. She gasped._

_In front of her stood one of the most beautiful beings she had ever seen. He was tall, taller than her, and had long shimmering blonde hair. He was very slender and, she noted, had the most gorgeous toned legs! She looked up at his face, with had no spots or blemishes. His eyes were a piercing blue, and she shivered under their glare._

_//Shame he's mad.//_

_"Who are you?" he asked, slotting the arrow back into his quiver. His bow was now in his left hand._

_"My name's Amy," she replied. _

_He frowned. "That is a strange name."  
"Its actually quite common where I come from."_

_"Really? And where do you come from exactly?"_

_"Poole, in Dorset."_

_"Where?"  
"Poole, in Dor…where am I?"_

_"You are on the borders of Mirkwood." Her eyes widened. She knew where Mirkwood was. "You mean…in Middle-Earth?"_

_"Of course I do, where else? How did you get here?"  
"I…I don't know." Her heart was pounding in her chest. How could she be on the M25 one minute, and in Middle-Earth the next? Surely it wasn't possible._

_He saw her expression change to sorrow and confusion, and felt a bit of sympathy for her. He crouched down to face her. "Listen…Amy from Poole in Dorset. You look strange to us, your clothes are different, and you have quite a strange accent. You say you do not know how you came here. What happened exactly?"  
"I was in a car crash," she started to explain, but stopped at the look on his face. "Oh, a car is…like a cart on wheels, that goes very fast, and you don't need horses to pull it. You drive it, using a steering wheel. It runs on a fuel called petrol." He raised an eyebrow, but bid her continue._

_"Anyway, a huge…car, hit mine, and everything went black. I woke up in this clearing, without any of my belongings except the clothes I am wearing."_

_"That is a strange story Amy," he said. "Well, I think you should come with us to see our King. He is very wise, and will know what to do."  
"There are more of you?"  
"Oh yes, plenty. They are hidden in the trees, just out of your sight. Come." He stood, and held out a hand. She smiled, and he helped her to her feet. "You are injured, lean on me." She slung an arm round his shoulder and he one round her waist. He slowly led her out of the clearing, and they started off through the forest._

_More joined them as they walked, some giving her questioning looks, but most just ignoring her. She felt nervous under their gaze, and stayed as close as she could to…_

_"Sorry, but, what's your name?" she asked in a whisper._

_He smiled. "Silivren."_

_~*~_

"YES!" Legolas cheered, attempting to stand up in his excitement before remembering that he had broken his legs. "IT'S NOT ME! IT'S NOT ME!" He hummed. But even as the other elves smiled in slight amusement, a sudden transformation came over the prince. His face fell and morphed into a furious scowl - reminding them all suddenly of his father. He tapped his fingers on the table impatiently. "Where is the pink?" He growled - appearing to be quite masculine even as he said that oh-so-un-manly/elfy sentence. "Where are the sparkles? I WANT THE SPARKLES!"

Elrond paled... and began reading once more.

~*~

_"That's a lovely name."_

_"Thank you. Yours is strange to us, but it sounds nice."_

_"Its plain," she replied. "But I guess I'm stuck with it." He smiled again._

_They continued in silence, Silivren helping her over small brooks and hard areas to walk on. The forest grew darker, and the trees more dense. It also grew colder, and when Amy shivered, Silivren placed his cloak around her shoulders. It was thin, yet it kept her much warmer. He did not seem to feel the cold._

_"Sorry about me being so nosy," she said after a while. "And this probably sounds really rude but…what are you?"  
He laughed, a beautiful sound to her ears. "We are Elves Amy."  
She nodded. "I thought so."_

_When she and Natalie had been teenagers, 13 and 14, the Lord of the Rings had come out in the cinema. They had immediately fallen head over heels in love with the Elf of the Fellowship, Legolas of Mirkwood. Whilst the films were out, they were always drooling over pictures of him. They actually fancied the actor, Orlando Bloom, and still did. They thought he was gorgeous! But they knew that Middle-Earth and the Fellowship was just a story, nothing more. Now Amy's mind was starting to change. She had been told she was in Mirkwood, and she was with Elves._

_//Oh crap! I'm going to meet King Thranduil, Legolas' father! Maybe I'll get to meet Legolas himself! Oooh…//_

_She daydreamed for the rest of that journey. _

_~*~_

Legolas screamed. Loudly. Painfully. He screamed very loudly, very painfully, and for a long time. That is - until Elrohir slapped him. The prince was shuddering, but he mumbled his thanks to the younger twin.

"I'm afraid." Glorfindel whispered, clutching his cloak tightly around him. "This story appears to have a more intelligent writer. She might even know book verse... she might even know Erestor!"

They all screamed.

* * *

**Once again, it was a REAL Mary-Sue story. I want you to know that it is quite... painful - Mary-Sue hunting for this story. I actually have to READ them. *shudders* But oh well... "Amy's" story is quite long. Apparantly the author wasn't put off by all the flames she recieved. So Amy may appear again... *dramatic music***

**Please Review!**


	4. Punk Rocker Fairy

**Agh... Mary-Sue's give me headaches... BALROG SIZED HEADACHES!**

* * *

Once they had all managed to stop breathing (Elrond screamed so long that he lost his breath and passed out) it was decided that Erestor would begin to read - seeing as he claimed to have no fear of the horrifying creatures.

He quickly read through the horrible chapter - going through everything from Amy and Legolas going to Rivendell where she became part of the Fellowship. She is completely immune to the Ring's power and Legolas ADORES her strength yet sensitivity. They fall in love. Later on her best friend appears in the story... and they both die.

They were all so happy when they read this. But Legolas was happiest of all. He cheered and whooped until he suddenly became depressed. "I should've saved them..." He murmured - tears falling down his face. "I should've died in their place!"

Erestor felt that it was now time to begin reading again.

_"Taken. _

_Gone. _

_Stolen. _

_Dead. _

_What if I had been there? _

_Would it have made a difference? _

_Could I have saved you? _

_Or would you still have died? _

_Death used its sharp claws,_

_To snatch you away from me. _

_The darkness envelops you,_

_As it envelops me. _

_Cold, cruel, harsh._

_Malicious, malevolent, merciless. _

_Heartless, pitiless, ruthless. _

_Cold-blooded, unkind, wicked. _

_These words, _

_Describe your death to me. _

_Was it my punishment,_

_For loving you? _

_Is love so bad? _

_Is love so wrong? _

_I thought love was a blessing._

_Clearly not. _

_I miss you my love._

_I cannot live without you._

_Come back to me._

_Come back to my arms. _

_The darkness comes, _

_It takes over me. _

_Destroys my light. _

_I'll be joining you soon._

_I promise. _

_I'm coming. _

_Very soon my love._

_We'll be together again." _

_"Legolas! Legolas, open this door immediately!"_

_Aragorn banged on the oak door again. "Legolas please! I…need help with my…wedding outfit!" Gimli looked at him in disbelief, but Aragorn just shrugged._

_"Listen laddie, if you don't open the door right now, I shall break it open with my axe! And by the look on Aragorns' face, he won't like that very much."_

_The door opened a crack and Legolas peered out. "What?"_

_"Legolas, what are you doing in there?" Aragorn asked._

_"Nothing."_

_"Can we come in?" he asked in a softer tone. Legolas just nodded and let them in._

_The room was dark, and so Aragorn opened the curtains. Legolas shielded his eyes against the bright light. Aragorn frowned at him. "Legolas, you are meant to like light, not shield your eyes against it. What is the matter with you?"_

_"My heart…it hurts," he replied, sitting down on the end of his bed. "I'm so tired. I just want to go to sleep…"_

_"Don't you dare!" Aragorn told him fiercely, sitting down beside him. He slipped an arm round the Elf's' slender shoulders. He knew, that if Legolas went to sleep, there was a high possibility that he wouldn't wake up again._

_"Why not?"_

_"You know why Legolas. Come on, you've got to be strong. I know you are grieving, and everyone understands that, it's just… I don't want to lose you Legolas. Not after everything we have been through together." He squeezed him affectionately, holding him closer to his own body._

_Legolas smiled. "I know. But I want to be with her Aragorn. That seems to be the thing that people cannot understand."_

_"We do Legolas, but we don't want you to leave us," Gimli told him. "I know that sounds selfish, but you don't realise just how much you are loved, how much you are still needed."_

_"Really?"_

_"Yes, really. Gimli's right Legolas. You have to stay, if only for my wedding. You weren't seriously going to miss it were you?"_

_"No. I'll be ok. Did you say you needed a hand?"_

_"Aye, I do. Coming?"_

_"Yes, on my way." Aragorn helped the tired Elf to his feet, and they made their way to Aragorns' chamber to help him prepare for the upcoming wedding._

_Arwen and her company hadn't actually arrived yet, but Aragorn knew they were coming. The preparations had started long ago, and the City was alive with activity._

_"Doesn't she look incredible?"_

_"Absolutely stunning."_

_"Wow, that dress is amazing."_

_"She looks so beautiful."_

_"I hope my wedding will be like this."_

_"Don't talk about marriage yet, you're only twelve!"_

_Arwen grinned at all the murmurs running through the crowd as she made her way up towards the alter. It had taken her ages to get ready, and now the time had come for her and Aragorn to finally get married._

_She saw Legolas and Gimli standing up beside her fiancé, smiling at her. She smiled nervously back, and then stopped by Aragorn. The ceremony began._

_Later that evening, the main hall in the palace of Minas Tirith was full of people. Music was playing, and people were dancing. Speeches had been spoken, toasts made, and now everyone was just enjoying themselves._

_Up at the head table, Aragorn and Faramir were talking, as were Arwen and Éowyn. The Hobbits were sat together, talking and eating, and Gimli and Legolas were sat together, also talking. Legolas was much quieter than usual, but Gimli knew why. Tonight would probably be the last night he would talk to his friend this way. He was planning to leave them soon, leave, and never come back._

_"I'm telling you, the axe is a far better weapon than a bow and arrow," he argued, gulping down some ale._

_"No, a bow and arrow are much easier to use. They're lighter, and can be shot a much farther distance than an axe!"_

_"For close contact fighting, an axe is the best weapon you could possibly have."_

_"In close contact, I use my twin knives."_

_"They just small axes."_

_"No they are not! Gimli, have you ever actually looked at my knives properly?"_

_"No. You would never let me anywhere near them."_

_"I wonder why?" he asked sarcastically. "They look nothing like axes."_

_Gimli just grinned and took another swig of ale. "Whatever you say Elf, whatever you say."_

_They carried on bantering like this for a while, finding anything and everything to argue about. But it was all good fun, and they would eventually come to a conclusion on things. Well, most of the time._

_A couple of hours into the celebrations, Aragorn stood and raised his hands for silence. All eyes turned to look at him. One last speech was clearly on the Kings' agenda._

_"My people," he began. "I know we have already had the speeches, the toasts etc, etc, but I just wanted to say one last big thank you to all of you." A huge cheer rose up, and it took a while to quieten the crowd again._

_"Yes, yes, thank you very much." A laugh passed through the hall this time._

_"Now, I am determined, that whilst my rule lasts, Minas Tirith will be made more beautiful and…" but he was interrupted by the hall doors banging open._

_Everyone turned to see who had entered. What they saw, was not necessarily what they were expecting to see._

_Two hooded and cloaked riders, mounted on two white stallions. The whole hall was silent, waiting for someone to respond. Most people were looking at the two new arrivals, but some turned to the King, to see what his reaction to this interruption would be. _

_Aragorn was staring at them, a bit lost for words. He suddenly realised his people were waiting for an explanation, and so he cleared his throat._

_"Who enters my halls in such a manner?"_

_"Only one who would be daring enough to my Lord," replied one, removing their hood. The other followed suit._

_"Sweet Eru of the high heavens!" someone at the high table exclaimed._

_They dismounted their horses, and walked up to the high table, the crowd parting for them. Once there, they bowed gracefully. "My Lord, forgive our rude entrance," the first one stated. "But we wanted to make a lasting impression. Have we succeeded?" Aragorn noticed they wore a silver tear drop necklace with a sapphire embedded in the centre. He grinned slyly at them. "You two will surely be the death of me," he said._

_Amy and Natalie grinned identical grins. "Oh no my Lord, we could not possibly be the cause for such a tragic event," Natalie answered._

_Aragorn raised an eyebrow, then remembered something. He looked down the table to where Legolas had been sitting. But the Elf was nowhere to be seen. But Gimli tilted his head out of the hall, towards the corridor that led to Legolas' room._

_"I will go my Lord," Amy offered, and swept off down the hallway, the crowd once again making way for her._

_"Come up here, Lady Natalie," Aragorn offered, pulling up a chair for her beside him. "You deserve a seat at the Kings' table." She smiled graciously, and took the offered seat._

_Amy ran down the corridor, checking every room she came to. But each one was empty. She began calling for him. "Legolas! Legolas!"_

_Her cries became more desperate, her voice louder. "Legolas where are you?"_

_Her path led her right to the end of the hallway, and then it was a dead end. She yelled rather a rude word, and turned back the way she had come._

_Again, she looked in every room, and then came to a door that was locked. It had not been so when she first checked. She banged on it, and yelled through the wood. "Legolas! Legolas, are you in there? Please, if you are, open up!"_

_But there was no sound coming from within. She whistled sharply._

_Not long after, her stallion came galloping up the hallway. No one was following him, and she assumed that Natalie had told them to stay put._

_"Tamno-en annon dad," she told him. (Kick the door down.)_

_He gave her a funny look, but did as his mistress told him._

_Soon, the door gave way, and she hurried in, looking desperately around. The stallion waited outside._

_There he was, collapsed on the bed. She ran to him and saw his eyes were shut. "Bloody…stupid…ruddy… Legolas wake up!" she yelled, shaking his shoulders._

_But he made no response. She checked for a pulse. It was weak, and his breathing was extremely shallow. She could just about see his chest rising and falling._

_"Legolas," she said a bit more softly. "Echuivo Legolas. Saes melamin, echuivo!" (Wake up Legolas. Please my love, wake up!)_

_She placed her hand over his heart, draining her energy into him. She bent down, and with her last drop of energy, kissed him passionately upon the lips._

_When she was almost collapsed from exhaustion, his eyes flickered open to gaze up at her. She smiled weakly back. "Nice to have you back with us Legolas. Where'd you go, hmm?"_

_He just stared at her, lost for words. She smiled and kissed him again. "I'm here melamin. I've come back."_

_"How…why…I don't understand," he whispered, his hand coming up to caress her cheek, his fingers trailing down to play with the silver droplet on the chain._

_"Shh, that doesn't matter now. Sleep now. I'm here."_

_"Is this just a dream?" he asked._

_"No, no dream. This is all real, I promise you." She tucked her hair behind her ears, and his eyes widened as he saw the pointed tips. She grinned. "Neat, aren't they?"_

_"I am dreaming."_

_"No, you are not." She kissed him again, and this time, he responded. "That does not happen in dreams Legolas, no matter how much you want it to," she told him, softly stroking his cheek. "Sleep now." She lay her head down on his chest, and they fell asleep in each other's arms._

_As the sun rose the next morning, they were still in the same position. Amy's stallion was still outside the door, stopping anyone from entering. He was being the door in fact._

_Amy stirred first and looked down at her sleeping love. He looked completely at peace, and she smiled. One day, she would tell him what happened when she and Natalie had died._

_They had gone to the Halls of Mandos, which surprised them both a little. Surely, because they ere humans from Earth, they should have gone to heaven?_

_There, they were judged, separately, asked questions about what they wanted to happen to them, and what should happen to their friends._

_"I wish for my friends in Middle-Earth to live happily in peace forever. And look after Legolas. He'll need it."_

_"I wish that all Amy's friends and all the new ones I have made to live in peace forever and ever. Oh, especially Legolas. He'll be heartbroken when he sees Amy has died."_

_"No more war please."_

_"Um…no more fighting, never again."_

_"Er…happiness for all time?"_

_"Can everyone down there be…happy and joyful. No more sadness."_

_"The world will be rebuilt."_

_"Everything will be fixed that was broken during the fighting."_

_"Laughter and love forever."_

_"Everyone will love everyone else. No more tears."_

_"Really, just, everyone to live happily, no more fighting, and peace forever and ever."_

_"World peace to put it simply."_

_The judges smiled at what the girls had asked for. They had been completely selfless and wanted nothing more than for their friends to be happy._

_"Very well," the head judge had said when they were brought back together. "You wish for Middle-Earth to remain a happy and war-free place, correct?" They had nodded._

_"Very well. Evil has been destroyed forever from the world, and so that wish has come true already. Now, for your friends to be happy and joyful. They have just lost you two to death. They aren't going to be particularly happy, are they?" _

_"They'll get over it. Won't they, my Lord…?" Amy had asked timidly._

_"Possibly. But Prince Legolas, this has hit him hardest. I doubt he will be able to survive another week on Earth. His heart will break, and he will join you in Mandos."_

_"No!" Amy had cried out. "Please don't let him die! He can't die, not after surviving the War, and all the battles! Please, let him live!"_

_"I am not in control of whether he lives or dies Amy. However, you are."_

_"Me?"_

_"Yes. If you hadn't have gone against his orders and gone into battle and died, you would still be living. It is your fault he is dying himself."_

_Amy had then proceeded to burst into tears._

_"I can change that," he had consoled her. "I will send you back to Middle-Earth as guardians. That will be your official title. You will return as Elves, and that will mean of course, you will be immortal. You will be gifted with steeds of the highest quality. It will be your job to deal with any evil that may come back from the aftermath of this War."_

_They had just stared at him in disbelief._

_"Wha…?" Natalie had started, and then, they found themselves sitting in the middle of a forest, their white stallions grazing beside them. Sitting in shock for a few moments, they gazed at one another._

_"I have pointy ears!" Amy squealed._

_They had ridden with all haste to Minas Tirith, and galloped up through the City. There had been no one around, as all were at the wedding celebrations. They had made their grand entrance in the hall, and Amy remembered seeing Legolas at the table. He had quickly disappeared._

_She giggled quietly and looked down at the Elf in her arms. He was going to be ok now, as was she. They would live together… somewhere, and nothing would separate them ever again._

Legolas sobbed wretchedly before suddenly morphing into a horribly angry elf. "YOU FOUL SPAWN OF SAURON! YOU CREATURES OF DARKNESS!" He screamed - his hands balled into fists. "I SHALL HUNT YOU DOWN AND DESTROY YOU AND YOU WILL SUFFER A THOUSAND DEATHS THROUGH PAIN OF FLAMES!" He breathed heavily - looking more terrifying than any Nazgul ever could. Elrond once again felt that he was looking at Thranduil...

Elladan and Elrohir moved away from their friend, not sure who to be more afraid of: the Sues, or Legolas...

Erestor broke the silence by beginning the next Mary-Sue tale.

~*~

Twin Stars by Punk Rocker Fairy

_In the beginning, there was I, Alice, my twin sister, Jamiean (Jamie for short), my older brother, Sam, and my mom and dad all packed into a monster of a van. We were heading down to the lake house for summer vacation. We had gone their every year since I could remember. I was in the back with my other siblings reading. We were all competing to see who could finish the LoTR series faster. Why you ask would we do this, it's simple, our mother yelled at us when we were having LoTR movie marathon, again, that we need to read the books before we watched it again. With that the witch, erm, I mean our dear, loving, movie hating mother turned of the T.V. with a satisfied look on her face. So we decide to add some fun to it to see who could finish the series first, and sadly, we were still on The Hobbit._

_"Almost done! Hah, take that Alice!" said by brother laughing._

_"Keep your mouth shut, I'm almost done too." I said calmly not taking my eyes from the book, Bard had just killed Smog._

_"AH! How do you read that fast! I'm only on chapter three!" complained my sister._

_I being in the middle, put on my ipod to tune out their arguing so I could concentrate. My brother had always the smart one and this was his summer break from collage, he was two years older than my sister and me. My sister had always been the beautiful, talented, popular one. Then there was me. I was pretty like my sister but I, unlike her was shy. Her favorite school orientated things were lunch and debate team, if there was anything my sister could do it was flirt, and win arguments, not to mention she was an expert fencer. My favorite things would have to be art, and archery. Whenever I shot an arrow I could almost feel my soul going with the arrow, flying through the wind. Where was I, oh yah._

_"Both of you shut up and read!" I scolded._

_They looked at me, then at each at each other and muttered apologies._

_"Ah, we're here." Said my mother sighing, she loved this place._

_I couldn't blame her, this place was gorgeous. The sun hit the water just right and we had a two-story log cabin right next to the water with a balcony extending over the water. I loved painting, and it was my life long dream to paint this scene just right, so everyone could see its beauty. We all got out of the car and unloaded our stuff. I ran up to my room to get my easel and painting stuff. I set my stuff up out on the balcony and paned how it was going to look and started sketch._

_"AAAALLLICCEEE!" came my sister scream from downstairs._

_Immediately think something was wrong, I rushed downstairs, my sister always got herself into big messes. When I reached the bottom I just saw her smiling._

_"Come on, let's go on a walk!" she said excitedly._

_Part of me was happy she was okay, the other was fuming, she had interrupted my work._

_"Jamie, I'm working on my painting." I said trying to calm myself down._

_"Oh, come on, you can work on your painting later, we have a month here."_

_There was a reason she was the president of the debate club._

_"Fine, a SHORT one won't hurt." I consented._

_We walked out of the house and into the woods. I knew these woods like the back of my hand, one of the paintings I did of these patches of clearing where the flowers bloomed beautifully was the pride and joy of my gallery. We had been walking for about fifteen minutes in silence when Jamie said, "Ooh, what was that?" and took off running deeper into the forest._

_"JAMIE!" I yelled after her before running after her._

_I soon catch up and almost bump into her when she stops abruptly staring at something in front of us. I step around her and see the most amazing thing, a beautiful silver ring with a beautiful silver flower design on it. I know I've seen it somewhere, but I just can't place it, my sister gets it before me._

_"Galadriel's ring." She mutters._

_I stand shocked, how did it get here? Before I can ask my question Jamie runs for the ring._

_"STOP!" I scream, but it's to late, she is about to put it on._

_I lunge forward and grab her arm, by far the worst mistake in the history of the world. Before we could react, we were falling._

_"Welcome children."_

_~*~_

Glorfindel stood up, picked up his chair and slammed it against the stone wall - letting loose a spine tingling war cry. The chair shattered. The balrog slayer straightened his tunic and sat down calmly on the floor with his legs crossed. "I'm better now." He murmured quietly.

Erestor looked more terrified than he had since they first discovered the kiss mark on Legolas' neck. He quickly began reading again.

~*~

_We were riding, and riding, and riding a lot more. Where? Rivendel. Galadriel told us that she sent her ring to find the right person from our world to save the fellowship. Her ring choose us. Yay. We are to take on the role of princesses from what ever place in our world we wanted. We had to leave our clothes their and wear, you guessed it, DRESSES! Did I ever mention my sister and I HATE dresses. So now, we were riding, for a LONG TIME. I miss my ipod, and chocolate. (I'm ADD, so don't act so surprised.)_

_"Soooo, are we almost there?" my sister asked our elf guide._

_"Halfway princess." Said the guide trying his best to stay patient with my sister's constant questions._

_"By the way Al, where are we from?" asked my sister directing her attention to me._

_"I was thinking, maybe Avalon."_

_"Where?"_

_I sighed, I loved my sister, but she wasn't the brightest when it came to legends. I quote "I just don't care about old, icky dead guys."_

_"Avalon was the mystical island from Arthurian legend."_

_"Um, alright, what ever."_

_The rest of our LLLOOONNNGGG journey was mostly quiet. When we got to Rivendel, It was worth it, the view was breathtaking. Note to self, come back and attempt to paint it. We made our way down to the main section where Elrond was waiting for us. He scared the shit out of me mostly because he had a certain, 'in charge' air about him._

_"Welcome princesses, I hope your stay here will be I enjoyable one, there will be a council for you to attend in two days time, please attend. Allegra will show you your rooms." Said Elrond and then he left._

_Allegra had mousy brown hair and green eyes and was searing a long green velvet dress. She turned on her heel and started walking towards the labyrinth of rooms._

_"Follow me please princesses," she said flashing us a brilliant smile._

_We did as told and listened as she pointed out things to us on the way. We finally made it to two wooden doors right next to each other._

_"These are your rooms, please ask if you need anything." With that Allegra turned on heel and left._

_"Well it was nice meeting you to." I muttered sarcastically as I walked into my room._

_Let me just say two things:_

_a) Elves don't skimp_

_b) W.O.W._

_The room was breathtakingly beautiful. It had beautiful blue curtains and a huge bed in the center of the room and a balcony hanging over a small garden. Everything in the room was either blue or silver. I went next door to Jamie's room and her room was almost the same except for the color scheme was green and gold._

_"Wow, elves don't skimp do they?" asked Jamie._

_"Tell me about it, hey, how about we get changed out of these gross clothes and go walk around?"_

_"Sounds good."_

_I went back to my room and opened to find, unfortunately but expected, dresses. I picked out a light blue short-sleeved one that went with my blue eyes and blonde hair. I went to check on my sister who I found wearing a dress almost identical to mine except green to go with her green eyes. (That was the only difference, physically that is, between my sister and I.)_

_"Cute dress." She commented, smiling._

_"You to." I answered back as I looped my arm with hers and we walked off in a random direction._

_We made our way through LOTS of winding halls with windows just teasing us because we couldn't find a door. We finally found a staircase down to the first floor, but no door._

_"Aw screw it. We're on the first floor, right Jamie." I said, a plan forming in my mind._

_"Yah." She answered cautiously; she knew something was going on in my head._

_"Why not just jump out one of those huge windows."_

_She contemplated for a couple of seconds before saying, "Sure, what the heck."_

_We made our way over to one of the glassless windows. I made sure no one was looking and boosted my self onto the windowsill._

_"Hurry up Alice!" hissed my impatient sister._

_I jumped out the window and landed in a crouch. I checked the area for people and when it was all clear, I motioned for my sister to come on down. She landed with a soft thump behind me. We straightened up and walked away like we knew what we were doing._

_"You know you could have just gone down that hall a bit farther and there would have been a door." Said a voice from behind us_

_We spun around to find a person who looked just like Liv Tyler, only ten times more gorgeous._

_"You're Arwen, right?" asked my sister. Arwen had always been one of her favorite heroines where I thought she was kind of a Mary sue (AN: no comments please if you think my characters are my mary sues, I get the irony of it.) I had always been a fan of Eowen._

_"Yes, that would be correct."_

_Wow, formal much._

_"Well, I'm Jamiean, or Jamie; and this is my sister Alice."_

_I gave her a little wave but still stayed silent._

_"Right. Um… well we're sorry about jumping out the window, but we were getting a little stir crazy seeing the outdoors but not being able to get there."_

_"I understand, I used to do the same thing. I will try to find you a map later if you like?"_

_"Yes thank you, that would be nice."_

_"Well then, if you would please accompany me to the main courtyard to welcome the Mirkwood elves representatives."_

_That's when I smiled; I had always been a fan of Legolas. Besides, he was a sexy elf. We ran to the clearing in time to see the elves gracefully land on the ground as someone took the horses away._

_You don't know the meaning of 'drop dead gorgeous' until you see Legolas. He looked like a green clad, blonde haired reincarnation of beauty with beautiful green eyes. (AN: I don't know Legolas real eye color but since his name is Greenleaf, I'm going with green. If anyone knows his real eye color, please tell me.)_

_"Hello my dear Arwen, and who are these lovely ladies?" he said in a smooth, suave, sexy voice._

_"These are the representatives from the island nation of Avalon. They are princesses Alice and Jamiean."_

_"Hello." I oh so cleverly said._

_"It's lovely to meet you…" said my sister playing oblivious._

_"Prince Legolas of Mirkwood." He said as he kissed my sisters hand._

_I was soooo beyond words._

_He smiled at us and walked off Arwen, probably catching up on old times._

_"He kissed my hand." My sister said so softly that I barley heard her._

_Then she fainted, and I didn't blame her._

~*~

There was silence. Finally - Legolas raised an eyebrow and spoke slowly. "Smooth, suave, sexy voice...?"

Elrohir nodded. "You do have a really nice voice." He commented - as though just noticing it.

Elladan clapped his hands over his twin's mouth. "Silence - you fool!" He hissed, looking around uneasily. "There are enough incest stories about us! We don't have to have anymore with Legolas!"

* * *

**I'm exausted. I think I might have gotten Cathie's cold.**


	5. Sharnorasian Empire

**It is SCARY how easy it is to find bad fanfiction... and there is so much ridiculous junk about Legolas it isn't even funny...**

* * *

Glorfindel raised his hand - asking quietly. His usual outgoing nature had dissapeared as a result as the Mary-Sue tales. "I don't care this much about Legolas' mental and emotional health." His voice was barely audible, but it was quite firm. "May I please leave?"

Elrond glared and shook his head - even as Legolas sobbed, "I knew you all truly hate me! I don't blame you, I am a horrible... horrible... horrible elf..."

"Thranduil cares about his son." Elrond growled - and the name of the renowned elven king caused all the Rivendell elves to pale. "And he will feel us responsible if his son remains in a condition such as this."

"I SHALL DOMINATE MIDDLE EARTH!" Legolas howled madly, throwing his arms up dramatically. "FOR I AM TRULY VERY ATTRACTED TO SAURON AND HIS GREAT EYE!"

"Legolas' wife better not have heard that..." Elrohir whispered softly to Elladan. Elladan nodded in agreement fervantly.

Erestor coughed impatiently before beginning to read the next chapter.

The Children of Shadowfire by Sharnorasian Empire

_Legolas POV_

_"And then your girls hexed me so that every time I spoke it had to be in rhymes and every time I tried to walk I had to do a different silly dance. I never wanted to kill them as much as that year of pranking hell. It gets harder and harder not to sail meleth, I promised you much but I fear I cannot keep this promise. It's been seven years my love and this gets harder to do every year. I want you more than ever, it's not fair. You promised me forever and you broke that. I love our children but they need a full life outside of Valinor. It's too difficult to speak meleth I need you now." I look at the statue and down to the plaque_

_HERE LIES DARLA DRACONIC GREENLEAF_

_NEE DARKWIELDER._

_DY 1700-1725_

_LOVING DAUGHTER, WIFE, MOTHER_

_(NEVER FORGET LOVE AND IT WILL NEVER FORGET YOU)_

_~*~_

"She's dead!" Glorfindel cheered, standing up and doing a small victory dance. The Mary-Sues were worse than Balrogs.

Legolas glared. "Silence, you blubbering fool!" He hissed, going into 'Deadly assassin elf with a heart of stone' mode. "You shall alert the enemy to our position!"

Erestor looked at the book with interest. "You know -" He spoke casually. "I had a cousin who's best friend was named Darla. Darla was very fond of the color green, if I recall..."

"SHUT UP AND READ!" Elrond screamed. The Mary-Sues were causing them all to go insane.

~*~

_"I'll send in Dani and Dana now." I walk outside the room and look back and whisper "I miss you now, more than ever before." I walk out and see both my 12 year old children, dressed all in black and body armor similar to their mother. Both my girls had sworn vengeance at their mother's death and began emulating her more and more. At seven years old the girls could best most great wyrms with swords and thousands of years experience on them. At nine both girls could ward a full outpost single handedly, at 11 both girls became qualified to fight in war with both blade and spell. I was so proud of my girls who received their war qualification certificate earlier than anyone in Dragon Haunt history, both girls had also earned their Elven braids after exterminating a colony of 235 Orcs at eight. Dani and Dana were very dangerous and most Drow underestimated them because of their age, by Dragon Haunt law and my sneaky girls used this rule as a loophole around me; anybody who is qualified for battle or war by proven tests and certificate cannot be denied entrance to battle or war unless they have a debilitating condition. I retire early and smell Darla's scent which I preserved on her pillow, tears falling down as I force myself to remember the worst night in my entire life aside from my naneth's death._

~*~

"So Legolas is..."

"Was." Elladan corrected his twin automatically.

"WAS married to this Darla person and they had twins? And what is with the twelve year olds dressed in black armor?" Elrohir had both his eyebrows raised with incredulity.

Erestor was the only that really bothered to ponder this with actual thought. "You know, since they are at LEAST half elven, at age twelve they should still be smelly, drooly infants..."

"I am so proud of my little babies. Killing 235 orcs at the age of eight... they are truly the children of the Valar..." Legolas spoke - his eyes glazed.

Erestor gulped and once again began reading.

~*~

_Flashback_

_In battle I watch both Xanroth and Darla close on Lloth's avatar, Darla in her human form and Xanroth in his true form. As Darla springs on Lloth the spider queen removes her avatar at the last second and Darla ends up impaled fully on her father's claw._

_"MELETH NIN." I scream as Darla pulls off the claw_

_"NO." Xanroth roars and I race to hold Darla in my arms_

_"Meleth." I gasp with tears starting to run down my cheeks_

_"Lego…las." Darla chokes on her blood_

_"Don't talk, save your strength, stay with me." I plead_

_"It's… useless, promise me… raise Dani and Dana, stay strong for them, they'll need you. I go now to rest under Tiamat's wings. I'm… so sorry."_

_"Please stay with me, I need you, Dani and Dana need you."_

_"Good…bye Lego…las I love yo…u." Darla gasps out. (Call this scene cheesy or sue like I will hate you all). As Darla died I could feel the soul bond snap with tears streaming down my face I sob_

_"Meleth tolo dan… good bye Darla." I gently close her eyes and hold her, wishing she was alive._

_End flashback_

_~*~_

"As Darla died I could feel the soul bond snap?" Glorfindel whispered softly, looking at Legolas with frightened - wide eyes.

"IT ISN'T REAL!" The prince of Mirkwood howled. For the moment, he was completely sane. "IT IS NOT REAL! I AM NOT MARRIED TO THESE PEOPLE! I HAVE A WIFE THAT ACTUALLY IS COMPLETELY NORMAL! SHE CAN'T FIGHT TO SAVE HER LIFE, HER HAIR IS A DULL BROWN AND HER EYES ARE COMPLETELY AVERAGE! SHE DOES NOT HAVE A 'SLAMMING' BODY AND IF SHE DIED SHE WOULDN'T HAVE A RIDICULOUSLY DRAWN OUT DEATH SCENE! I AM PROUD TO SAY THAT MY WIFE IS COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY AVERAGE! NOTHING IS SPECIAL ABOUT HER!"

The elves of Rivendell were desperatly trying to catch Legolas' attention, but it was too late. A potted plate came hurtling towards Legolas and he narrowly dodged it, only to look up and see - to his horror - his wife.

"I come here riding one of those accursed birds -" Marley snarled, her eyes flashing angrily. Legolas gulped. Marley was afraid of heights and she hated eagles... "To come here and HELP you because Radagast said that you were in TROUBLE!"

"Marley, I... I..." Legolas tried to speak - but it was no use.

"I can't fight to save my life - eh!?" She spat, marching towards the door - which she had unlocked using the spare key under the front door mat. "Dull brown hair!? Completely AVERAGE eyes! I don't have a slamming body?!" Her face was red with anger. "Have fun sleeping in the stables!" She screamed, slamming the door shut and locking it from the outside.

Legolas whimpered, burying his head in his arms. "I'm dead." He whispered. "I'm dead..."

Erestor cleared his throat, and decided that reading the rest of the Mary-Sue was better than having to deal with the tense silence.

~*~

_I toss and turn, dreaming that Darla was still with me. Hearing her voice, smelling her scent and feeling her near me in my arms and mind. I feel empty after this day, her birthday ironically and sadly became her death day. It's the same over and over again, our lives together and I always wake crying at her death. She should not have died in my arms, she should have been here with me forever as she had promised._

_"I want you back Darla, my soul is fractured, my heart torn. You were so full of life, our children __renewed you. You saw yourself as a broken husk, but you were never tarnished in my eyes. It's not fair… Tiamat, oh great mother please, please give her back to me. I need her. I never prayed for anything before but please bring my heart and soul back to me, bring back what we all lost. I beg of you, bring back the simaril of my heart. Give me a bolster for my failing faith." I send out and tomorrow I hope and pray that the Dragon Mother heeds my call._

_~*~_

"I LOVE YOU MARLEY!" Legolas wept, jumping out of his chair and crawling to the door. "I THINK YOU ARE THE MOST AMAZING, BEAUTIFUL CREATURE I HAVE EVER SET EYES ON! I WAS WRONG! YOU WERE RIGHT! THAT TUNIC DOESN'T MAKE YOU LOOK FAT!!!" He clutched at the doorknob, weeping and sobbing. It was quite a pathetic scene.

A small note was slid underneath the door. Legolas picked it up and read aloud - "Marley is not here at the moment, but if your matter is of an urgent quality, please leave your name and message with Lindir and he will get it to her as soon as possible."

A slightly muffled voice came from the other side of the door. It was Lindir. "Each message requires the standered billing fee and it cannot be longer than sixteen point five seconds..."

Legolas began sobbing helplessly even as the elves in the room began to laugh uncontrollably.

* * *

**Laughter is good for the lungs. Reviews are good for the soul.**


	6. wolf

***blinks in surprise* I was flamed! I've never seen anybody flame a Mary-Sue parody before! *struggles to contain laughter* Here, you guys read this!**

_HOW DARE U! u r SO mean 2 pur Darla and her awzum author! ur riting stinkz! u r a horibl riter and Darla iz NOT a Mary-Sue! All thoz storys r RELLY good! u shuld stop making fun of them!1_

i hop that u will reliz how STUPID u r and will go and sufocate urself!1!

stop being a mean perzon juzt becuz u r stupid and ugli! stop being jelose juzt because u r a nerd who doeznt have a life!

I HOPE A DRAGUNN EATZ U!

**...W-O-W... it is kinda scary how some people get... yikes! *backs away slowly from the rapid reader before breaking into a run* That was almost as scary as some of the Mary-Sue stories I've seen!**

**Well - now that I have mentally scarred you all for life - here is the next chapter! And it is dedicated to Pheobe because she is turning nine today! *cheers***

* * *

Legolas was still sprawled on the floor, sobbing sadly. But it appeared that true grief was no longer there and it was just the Sue kiss working its horrors upon him. So they left him on the floor as the next chapter was read.

Black Fangs by Wolf********* **_(AN: At the suggestion of Araloth the Random - I am no longer having the entire authors namme. But it is still a REAL Sue-fic.)_**

_I slide through the dark forest. It was light out, but to me it was dark. For the one dark ring of Sauron had been found. Gandalf had told me how important the ring was, and how it must be destroyed. While Estelhad told me of his past, and what Iseldor had done._

_~*~_

"Estelhad? Who is that?" Elrohir spoke up - confused.

Elladan grinned slightly. "I think it is dear little brother. The writer didn't think he was good enough to seperate him with a space."

~*~

_Lord Elrod had trained me from the time I could walk and get into trouble. Estel had found me when I was about five, and Lord Elrod had adopted me into his family and had trained me for nine years. I had been traveling with Estel for five months now. Today I would turn ten and five years._

_~*~_

"Funny," Elrond spoke dryly. "I always that it was lord ElroNd that had raised Estel. I don't know who Elrod is..."

"I think I would have remembered having another human around the house." Elrohir murmured- still trying to make sennse of the Sue story.

~*~

_This was very important for me, because once I turned ten and five years I could go out and travel on my own. I wouldn't have to stay around Estel all the time. Lord Elrod had suggested that I traveled with Estel for a while. I'm half elf, and I can read minds and send thoughts._

_~*~_

"SHE CAN DO WHAT!?!" Elrond fumed. "And it isn't as though elves and humans produce offspring a lot! It is VERY RARE for men and elves to 'get together' as they say nowadays..."

With his rant down, the story continued being read.

~*~

_I have dark brown hair that goes down to my waist, and light blue/ silver eyes. I look a lot like Estel, and people often mistake me for his daughter. But it's better that way. I was supposed to be traveling with Estel, but Gandalf had suggested I go with him to The Shire. I had heard of hobbits but I had never seen or met one. Gandalf told me to travel behind him so that is what I am doing._

_I could hear Gandalf humming to himself._

_"Mira," I heard Gandalf think to me, "be on your guard. We are nearing the shire." _

_~*~_

"What could happen at the Shire!?" Glorfindel protested incredulously. "Is a hobbit going to eat them!?!"

Legolas looked at him quite seriously. "That is more possible than you might think." He spoke dangerously. Glorfindel paled.

~*~

_"You be on your guard!" I thought to the old wizard, "I can take care of myself, but can you, old man?" I heard Gandalf laughing._

_"I'm not that old." He thought amusingly, and paused that cart he was riding in. I walked up next to the cart._

_"Right." I laughed, "Not that old! Compared to whom?" Gandalf just smiled and shook his head._

_"Now come along." Gandalf said. I walked along side his cart in silence. Gandalf went back to humming. Suddenly I heard a book shut._

_I quickly changed into a white wolf and jumped onto the back of Gandalf's cart._

_Oh, yeah. That's another thing I forgot to mention. I'm a shape-shifter. Oh, yeah I'm loaded with special abilities! Even though I was a wolf, I still had light blue eyes. It's a special trait I have. In less than a minuet a small figure appeared on a hill next to Gandalf's cart._

_~*~_

"I can shapeshift." Legolas spoke softly, his eyes glazed. "But only on Tuesdays..."

The Rivendell elves were quite scared.

~*~

_I let out a low threatening growl, but Gandalf waved me off. The hobbit stood up straight and looked at Gandalf._

_"Your late." He said. Gandalf looked up._

_"A wizard is never late, Frodo Baggins. He arrives precisely when he means to!" Both of them sat looking at each other for a while, and then they both started cracking up. I rolled my eyes and curled up into a tight ball. Frodo jumped into the cart and hugged Gandalf. Which frightened me a bit and I jumped up and landed on top of some fireworks._

_"Its great to see you, Gandalf!" Frodo shouted. Gandalf kept driving the cart. He and Frodo started talking to each other, and not including me! I snorted and put my paws on the seats._

_"Oh!" Gandalf looked at me, "I'm sorry! Frodo, this is Mira."_

_"Finally!" I thought. I raised my paw to Frodo. He laughed and shook my paw._

_"Its very nice to meet you, Mira!" Frodo greeted me and smiled. I could see that he meant it so I smiled a wolfish smile and laid my head on my paws. Frodo and Gandalf were talking when some kids started shouting 'Gandalf!' I looked up and some small children were following us._

_"Gandalf! Gandalf!" More yelled as they came up behind the moving cart, "Gandalf! Fireworks! Fireworks, Gandalf!" As we passed the children looked downfallen. Frodo looked at Gandalf, and smiled._

_Suddenly the fireworks that were lying under me went off! I yelped and leapt into the air as the fireworks went off. I turned to see Gandalf and Frodo laughing their heads off. I growled and lay back down, careful not to lie on any fireworks._

_As we approached some tiny houses in the ground Frodo jumped off the cart._

_"Its good to see you again Gandalf. And it was nice to meet you, Mira." Frodo said as he walked into his house. Once he closed his door I jumped up onto the seat next to Gandalf, and sighed._

_"Mean!" I accused Gandalf. Gandalf smiled and kept driving the cart._

_"All in good fun, Mira." Gandalf told me. I snorted._

_"All good fun until a certain white wolf named Mira gets hurt!" I thought coldly. Gandalf laughed, "I don't know what's so funny about me!" _

_I ignored Gandalf and listened to what the hobbits were thinking._

_"Oh, great! Here comes Gandalf, the disturber of the peace!" one thought as she waved to Gandalf nicely and yelled, "After-noon, Gandalf!" "Disturber of the peace." She added on. Many of the younger hobbits seemed happy to see Gandalf._

_When we approached Bilbo Baggins home Gandalf pulled the cart to a stop and jumped off._

_"Come to the door when I call you." Gandalf instructed me._

_"What else can I do?" I thought mildly. Gandalf huffed and turned away muttering something about teenager elves._

_I stretched out on the cart and laid my head on my paws. Now, I'm a very impatient and unforgiving person. So it wasn't long before I jumped off the cart and trotted up to the door. I sat there for a moment and then finally scratched on the door._

_"Gandalf…" I thought impatiently._

_"Oh! I forgot." I heard Gandalf say._

_"You forgot!" I barked at the old wizard that was inside, "If you forgot me already then you are getting old!"_

_"I brought a friend along with me." Gandalf informed Bilbo._

_"How delightful!" A second voice said walking to the door, "Any friend of Gandalf is a friend of mine!"_

_A small figure, which I presumed was Bilbo, opened the door. Gandalf stood behind the small person._

_"This is Mira." Gandalf introduced me, "Mira this is Bilbo." I turned and bowed to Bilbo. Bilbo smiled and bowed back._

_"Mira, there is no need to hide from Bilbo." Gandalf told me, "But come inside first." I happily trotted past the confused hobbit as he shut the door. Once I got inside the tiny house I instantly changed back into an eleth._

_I turned back to Bilbo. He was standing there with his mouth hanging open and a surprised expression on his face._

_"Hello Bilbo Baggins. I'm Mira." I introduced myself even though Gandalf already had. I held out my hand. Bilbo put a silly smile on his face and eagerly shook my hand._

_"I-I-its an honor to meet you, Mira!" Bilbo staggered. Gandalf chuckled and I smiled._

_"I've always wanted to meet an elf!" Bilbo told me as we sat sipping tea._

~*~

"He met me!" Elrond protested - looking indignant. "Don't I count!?!"

"And he met daddy..." Legolas mused. At the mention of Thranduil, Elrond paled once more.

"Please continue with the story, Erestor." He spoke weakly.

And Erestor - with a smile - did.

~*~

_"Yeah, well I've always wanted to meet a hobbit." I informed him. Bilbo seemed captivated by me, especially me eyes._

_"Pardon me, but I have to ask. How old are you?" Bilbo asked. I smiled; it was only natural for him to be curious._

_"I turn ten and five years as of today." I answered him, "I'm still very young."_

_"Really? Well happy birthday!" Bilbo said._

_"Well, I heard it is your birthday today also." I said politely._

_"Its just another year." Bilbo explained. I looked up from my tea._

_"I like to think of each year as a privilege, not a right." I informed Bilbo._

_- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -_

_I laughed as I danced along with some young hobbits. Gandalf had told me to be a wolf at the party._

_I was being quite careful not to push down any of the young ones as I jumped around. Everywhere around me hobbits were laughing, having fun, and of course eating. Even Gandalf was enjoying himself, every once and a while he would set of a variety of fireworks._

_The parents of the children whom were dancing with me were looking over here every once and a while to make sure they were ok. Finally when I got tired I jumped out of the dancing mob of children and ran out to find Frodo._

_I found him sitting at a table talking with a chubby hobbit and trying to convince him to dance with some other girl. When the hobbit got up to get some more food Frodo tried to grab him, but the other hobbit jumped out of the way._

_I dived towards the hobbit and pushed him into the reach of Frodo. Frodo laughed and pushed the hobbit towards a very attractive looking girl hobbit. Frodo laughed as he sat down and smiled at me._

_I jumped up next to Frodo and he scratched me behind the ears. I tilted my head to the left so he could scratch my good spot. Soon Frodo got up and went off to look for Bilbo. While he was gone I went up to the table of food and hid under the table. When nobody was looking I jumped up and grabbed a role._

_I ran off to were Gandalf was setting off fireworks for some children and ate the role. I licked my lips and contemplated on running to get another role, but before I could decide a large firework set off to the right of me. It exploded in the night sky and then turned into a dragon._

_Hobbits started screaming and running everywhere as the dragon swooped down and over the party. Finally the firework turned up towards the sky and exploded._

_I snorted and ran off towards were the firework had come from. I saw two hobbits sitting on the ground._

_"That was cool!" One said while the other said, "Lets get another one!"_

_"Oh no you don't!" I thought pouncing on the two hobbits, and pinning them to the ground._

_Gandalf came up behind me, and I jumped off of the two hobbits. Gandalf grabbed the two hobbits by the ear and I licked my paw. I ran off to find more food, and to my luck when the two hobbits had set off the dragon firework other hobbits had knocked over the food table._

_I pranced over to the table and picked up a piece of meat. The other hobbits started shouting 'speech!' to Bilbo. I didn't pay any attention, I was to busy chewing on the piece of meat. I didn't pay any attention until Bilbo disappeared._

_I looked up from my food when I felt a presence. Bilbo seemed to be struggling with words. I saw Bilbo slide his hand into his pocket and grab onto something. Bilbo brought out a ring and put it behind his back._

_"I've put this off for far to long." He muttered. I looked over at Gandalf. He was smoking his pipe, and looking intently at Bilbo. Suddenly there was a horrible screeching noise, and Bilbo disappeared. The screeching noise stopped and Gandalf got up. I made to follow him but he stopped me._

_"No, Mira." Gandalf warned me, "Stay here, and keep and eye on Frodo." I shot Gandalf a look, but he kept walking._

_I sighed and went to look for Frodo. I found him trying to find Bilbo like everyone else. I walked up next to Frodo and nudged his leg._

_"Where's Bilbo?" Frodo asked me. I wined, wanting to reply. "Can you sniff him out, girl?" he asked me._

_I lifted my head a little, and went over to were Bilbo was last standing. His sent was still there. I followed it out of were the party was taking place, with Frodo following me. After a bit Frodo realized were I was leading him, and he took the lead. Frodo approached Bilbo's house and opened the door._

_"Bilbo!" Frodo called out. I walked into the house, and saw Gandalf sitting by the fireplace. I walked over to him and nudged his hand. Frodo leaned down and picked up the ring Bilbo had put on._

_"He's gone, isn't he?" Frodo said. I stared intently at the ring. It seemed familiar. The very sight of it made my hair stand on end and a deep, threatening growl come out of me. Gandalf walked up to Frodo and held out an envelope. Frodo placed the ring inside of the envelope and Gandalf sealed it._

_"Mira," Gandalf said firmly, "follow." I wined._

_"Were are we going?" I asked him as I followed him out of the small house._

_"We are not going anywhere." Gandalf stated, "You are going to go find Aragorn." I stared at the old wizard._

_"But we just got here!" I objected._

_"You will do as I say, Mira." Gandalf commanded, "You are going to go find Aragorn, and tell him everything that has happened." Gandalf ordered._

_"Now go say your goodbyes, and then you have to leave as soon as possible." Gandalf instructed me._

_"I'll do it, but I wont enjoy it." I thought stubbornly._

_I padded back into Bilbo- now Frodo's house and found Frodo looking at the envelope that held the ring. Frodo looked up when he saw me at his side._

_I nudged his hand, and licked him. Frodo seemed to know that we were leaving, because he bent down and hugged me._

_"Bye, Mira." He murmured._

_I turned and ran out the door._

_~*~_

"I'm surprised Legolas hasn't appeared..." Glorfindel spoke what they were all thinking.

Erestor flipped forward a few pages. "He comes in later. It looks like it's a fight for Mira's affections through most of the story."

Legolas looked mildly interested. "Who wins?"

Erestor grinned. "You both do. It appears there is a wild night in the extra large bed in Gondor. Mira is a naughty, naughty girl..." Erestor read with interest. Legolas paled.

* * *

**Please review - I enjoy it immensly. This wasn't my best chapter, but I wanted to post it.**


	7. APOLOGY AND EXPLANATIONS

**AGH!!! Alright, alright! I am REALLY SORRY! I posted that last chapter BEFORE Empire sent me her review SO I DIDN'T KNOW SHE WANTED A FORMAL APOLOGY YET!!! I *am* sorry! (Rose that Blooms in Secret - yes, you are right. I seriously thought it was just a LotR fanfic, so I thought of it REALLY badly.**

**I - LILLY MCSHEPIN - APOLOGIZE TO Sharnorasian Empire! (Dang girl - it took me forever to type that name out! Sounds cool though. Can I just call you S.E.?) I apologize for using her work without her permission! **

**I APOLOGIZE!!!**

**And I am REALLY sorry I didn't check my mail first thing today, I surprised Phoebe and Cathie by flying out to DISNEYLAND for Phoebe's birthday! I get to the hotel room, open my laptop, and I have reviews saying things like...**

OI I thought we agreed to live and let live... honestly I in no way gave you  
permission to use my fic as such. If you had I would be more receptive to you  
using it as such... I have no problems laughing about my work. Darla to gain  
her powers had to undergo massive training and questing just to be able to do  
what she can. Darla had to destroy a Drow coven just to become TImat's left  
hand

Just for the ultimate hammer to smash the Darla is a Sue argument. Darla  
Greenleaf-Darkweilder is from my Forgotten Realms campaign of Dungeons and  
Dragons... technically this story is a crossover. Now before you go on about  
how this story should be in the crossover section, not many people read those  
and you are using my story out of context as well. You probably have not read  
any of the rest of the series and are missing important info and story lines  
which also came from my D&D adventure as well. The death scene lasted 30  
seconds TOPS not 5 min. (Again we had addressed this Darla's magic  
automatically tries to heal any injury and prolongs her life)

Dani and Dana are able to do what they can because their Goddess answered  
their prayers to get revenge for their mother. Half-Dragons are naturally more  
intelligent than humans and mature faster as well. Again this comes from  
Dungeons and Dragons game rules found on SRD online database... in fact  
practically all non LOTR stuff that I used comes from Forgotten Realms part of  
D&D and the SRD database.

I would like an apology uploaded into your next chapter or my section of work  
removed from your fic as well... otherwise I will be contacting the  
administration of copying my work without my permission... I know it's ironic  
for me to be complaining about that on this site :) but still next time  
please ask and I will be updating story stats to say D&D crossover.

Now, on a positive aspect this story is actually very funny (minus what you  
took from my stuff).

Now I hope we can resolve this problem peacefully and respectively like two  
grown adults, and without any profanities or senseless insults.

Hope to resolve this soon  
Respectfully  
Sharnorasian Empire

**AND THEN THIS...**

Umm...I've actually read all the Dark Wielder trilogy their all pretty good.  
(I'm friends with the author) I think you just caught a bad scene and didn't  
understand what was going on because you didn't find the prequels.

But Marley showing up at that moment was priceless HAHA!

In light of Empire's review, it might be better for you to write the Mary-Sue  
stories yourself (they might be funnier that way!). It might not be such a  
good idea to use other peoples work with out their permission...you could get  
in trouble that way.

But I'm not saying I don't want you to finish this story! It is full of  
wonderful hilariousness!

-Rose that Blooms in Secret

**Then the next one...**

Sam is NOT chubby! SAM IS AWESOME!

Another good chapter! But did you get the permission of the Author? dun da  
dun dun...dun da dun dun dun! (the story you are about to read is true the  
names have been changed to protect the innocent) sorry, I'm a fan of Dragnet.  
I don't know Lilly...Empire sounded pretty mad and you didn't apologize  
publicly...

**And then this one had me breaking into a sweat. I am really starting to be afraid of you, S.E. - agh! I am SORRY!!!**

Now look, I did not ask for much, just a simple apology and the deletion of  
what you took from my work; of which you blatantly refused to acknowledge. I  
am a patient person and I really do not want to have to involve administration  
in this... but so help me if you continue to force my hand I will. I am still  
willing to resolve this peacefully but I warn you my patience is waning  
quickly.

If I do not hear from you by tomorrow at the latest I will be emailing  
administration about you.

SE

**I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY! I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT THIS UNTIL JUST NOW! AGH! PHOEBE AND CATHIE THINK I HAVE GONE INSANE! AGH!!! I SPILLED MY CHINESE FOOD ON THE FLOOR!!**

**I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY!**

**AGH! MY FEET HURT FROM WALKING AT DISNEYLAND - I HAVE BEEN AT THE SHARP END OF S.E.'S WRATH *AND* ROSE THAT BLOOMS IN SECRET AND I SPILLED MY DINNER ON THE FLOOR! I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY SORRY SORRY!**

**IS THAT CLEAR ENOUGH!?**


	8. Phoebe and Cathie McShepin

**... Hello...**

**I have calmed down from my CAPS LOCK FRENZY earlier. When ever I see that S.E. has sent me a message my adrenaline starts pumping. I don't know what it is about getting into fanfiction 'fights', but it is quite unnerving. Note of Advice: Do not check your email and eat Chinese food with chopsticks at the same time. I got rice squished into my keyboard... **

**I want you all to know that Phoebe and Cathie wrote this chapter's "Mary-Sue" fic. So please leave lots of reviews, they like reading them as much as I do.**

* * *

"I'm hungry."

"I know."

"I'm still hungry."

"I know!"

"I'm STILL hungry..."

"SHUT UP ALREADY!" Elrond fumed. They had all decided that they needed a break from the Sues. Legolas had finally crawled back to his chair (nobody was willing to help him) after leaving his 16.5 second message with Lindir. It went something along the lines of...

_"MarleyisperfectandbeautifulandspecialandIloveherveryVERYmuchandIdon'tthinksheisaverage-" _And then Lindir had cut him off, saying firmly that his time was up. Legolas had been gasping for breath, as though he had ran from Mirkwood to Gondor rather than just spoken very quickly.

Elladan and Elrohir were moaning about their hunger - complaining too loudly to realize that Erestor had a secret stash of lembas that he was munching on quietly, all the while reading the next chapter of THE BOOK. He alone enjoyed reading the dreadful things.

"The person that published this book made a mistake." He spoke - after clearing his throat of lemba crumbs. "That one chapter with Darla and the dragons..."

"The one with the super-warrior twins?" Glorfindel asked - wishing to clarify.

"Yes." Erestor spoke - slightly annoyed that Glorfindel had interrupted. "It isn't a Mary-Sue. It is a cross-over. You know, a combination of different stories. Most of that stuff was completely normal in the other world. Apparently Legolas did a dimension jump... thingy."

"Thingy is not a real word." Elrohir mused - but everybody ignored him.

Legolas pouted. This was, of course, something he would never really do if he didn't have the Sue Kiss. But Sues like guys that pout... they think it is aDoRaBlE!!! "I still didn't marry her." He scowled.

"You did in a differant dimension." Erestor explained, quite annoyed that nobody was understanding him. "But my point is that Darla is not a Mary-Sue and that chapter should not belong in here." He turned a page, mumbling to himself. "I would be quite angry if somebody did that to my story. I would sue that idiotic publisher..."

~*~

Far, far away - Lilly McShepin paled and dropped her Chinese food carton (again) when she learned that she had just received a letter requesting that she appear in court due to an enraged fanfiction writer...

~*~

"LINDIR! WHERE IS MARLEY!? WHERE IS MY BELOVED WIFE!?!" Legolas howled - the Sue Kiss causing him to have powerful urges of sitting on a grassy hill having a picnic with his wife - with little blue birds and cute little deers playing around them.

"She is currently telling her older brother on you." Lindir spoke dryly through the door. "You know, I always thought she was more mature than that..."

Erestor - who was quite bored - decided that their break had been long enough. He stood up and once again began to read.

~*~

A Life Without a Love is a Life that Does Not Deserve to Be by Cathie and Phoebe McShepin

_Kendra Gentlewind was a sweet girl. Never got into fights. Never had trouble with friends. She had sleepovers everyday with her best friend in the whole wide world. Her name was Sweetie Peapod. They were both very very very very pretty. Prettier than ANYBODY else in the whole wide wide world. They got straight a's and everybody loved them. And they were rich. But they were orphans. They got so much money because they were geniuses and they bought Disneyland using money they made from baking the worlds bestest sugar cookies._

_One day, while they were walking across the street - they saw a cute little dog that had gotten stuck. He had stepped into some gum and he couldn't get free. Being the sweet, caring girls they were, they tried to help the puppy. But the gum was VERY sticky. And, since they were bent over, they looked very small. And the oatmeal truck didn't see them. The driver hit them._

_WOOSH!_

_Kendra Gentlewind and Sweetie Peapod blinked. They were in Middle Earth! They were so excited, they loved elves. They read the books all the time. The jumped up and down because they were so happy. And the puppy was with them too! But the puppy was no longer a puppy. It was a dog big enough for them to ride and he could talk! They named him George._

_Suddenly, they began to hurt. A lot. They looked down and saw that their legs were bleeding. They figured - since they were so smart - that it must have been from the car hitting them. And they passed out._

_When they woke up, they were in the arms of the cutest, nicest guy they had ever seen. He had blond hair and pretty blue eyes. He had a really nice smile - like the ones you see in pictures at the dentist. They instantly fell in love. He whispered a few words and they were healed because of his magical elvenness._

_And the three of them lived happily ever after in Middle Earth with their dog George. They made applesause all the time and they built another Disneyland. They were the best princesses there ever were._

_The end._

~*~

There was silence. Suddenly, from the other side of the door - a muffled "That was short." could be heard. But the voice was not Lindir's. And it was not Marley's. But it was good enough.

"EDAIN!" Legolas screeched - and would've fell off his chair if Elrohir hadn't held him in place. "I LOVE YOUR SISTER! SHE IS THE NICEST THE PRETTIEST THE *MOST FORGIVING* PERSON I HAVE EVER MET! I DO NOT THINK SHE IS PLAIN!!!" The prince began sobbing quite undignified...ly.

There was silence. "You do realise that she has been out here the entire time, don't you?" Edain spoke - slightly amused.

Glorfindel, Erestor, Elrond, and Elladan burst out laughing. Elrohir was trying to figure out why the title of the Mary-Sue chapter was almost as long as the story, so he was too busy to laugh.

"I LOVE YOU MARLEY!" Legolas yelled desperately, slightly mortified that his wife had heard everything. "AND WHAT I SAID BEFORE WAS SPOKEN IN A FIT OF STUPIDITY! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE *FORGIVE* ME!!!"

"I'll think about it." Came the grumpy reply. Legolas's eyes shown brightly with love at the sound of her voice. "But you aren't coming out of that room until you are all better. You are... scary."

Legolas once again morphed. "It's part of my charm." He spoke haughtily, sticking his nose pompously in the air.

Elrond rolled his eyes.

* * *

**Not my best, but it works. Reviews are always nice.**

**IMPORTANT NEWS!**

**_I am out to get my revenge upon - -that filthy little troll... I shall get her! She shall pay... *evil laughter*_**


	9. Shy Author

**I have been thinking about starting a new story - but I am not sure. One of my readers once said that they would like it if their would be a (long) story about how Legolas and Marley fell in love. But I still have several other stories that I have not yet completed (including this one) and I have trouble writing romance. But I'm thinking about it... tell me your input!**

**But - oh well. Here is the next chapter of my story. Have fun.**

* * *

Daughter of Dawn by Author Who Wishes to Remain Anonymous

_The sound of hooves could be heard throughout the quiet valley of Rivendell as four darkly clad riders rode towards the Hall of Fire. After coming to a halt, the foremost rider dismounted and entered the Hall. The others waited, still mounted, as he went inside. One of the riders pushed back a dark hood, reavealing flowing, pale gold hair above fair elven features. She sighed, and reached forward to stroke her Lauresul's mane, absently, as she watched the dark man go into the Hall._

_The stern-faced man came before the seat of Arwen, and kneeling, kissed her hand. His face softened then as he gazed up at her, smiling._

_"My lady," he said, reverentially. "I have come at the summons of your father. With me have traveled your brothers, Elladan and Elrohir. Aldariel also is with us; she too has come at your fathers request."_

_"Aldariel has come!" Arwen's eyes flew open wide at the tidings of the unexpected arrival of Elrond's other daughter. She saw her sister but rarely, and it was with great joy that she received the news that Aldariel was here now. "Truly, Aragorn, you are ever the bearer of good news. I must go to her, where is she?" Arwen spoke in a rush as she rose, ready to leave the instant he told her where she could find her sister._

_~*~_

"Odd." Elrond spoke dryly. "But I always thought that I would've noticed if I had ANOTHER daughter."

"Don't forget Mira." Elrohir spoke slightly mockingly. "She is your adopted daughter that looks like Estel's child."

Legolas scowled at them. "SHUSH!" He snapped before leaning towards Erestor eagerly. "Please keep reading - this is getting really interesting!"

Glorifindel buried his head in his hands. Even their fear of Thranduil would not keep them here for much longer...

~*~

_"She waits just beyond the gate, with your brothers," Aragorn replied, chuckling at her reaction. "Go to her now; I wish to speak with Elrond."_

_Arwen placed a light kiss upon his weathered cheek. "Then I shall see you later, melindo." [1] She ran from the hall out into the cool night of the later days of autumn. She did not search long, for it was not far to the place where her sister and brothers awaited._

_Aldariel dismounted at the sound of her approach, coming eagerly to meet the elder sister she had not seen now for many years. "Arwen!" she cried, her blue eyes alight, as her gaze fixed on the sight of her beloved face. Elladan and Elrohir smiled and left their sisters to their reunion, taking Lauresul with them to the stables._

_The two sisters fell into a long embrace, laughing and blinking back tears of joy. Long dark hair mixed with streaming golden locks as the two heads rested upon each others shoulders. At long last they released each other._

_"Aie, onóre, how long it has been!" Arwen exclaimed. [2] She studied her sister's face, looking for changes, and finding none untoward, she gave a tiny sigh of relief. Aldariel's golden hair--perhaps, like her eyes, a gift from her mother--shone faintly in the starlight, and her lovely face was unlined, and glowing with happiness._

_"Indeed, it has been long, anwave," Aldariel answered her, smiling. [3] "But we have met again. And it will not be the last of our reunions." She spoke with quiet certainty that warmed Arwen's heart._

_"You have always had the gift of seeing clearly the things which are to come. But come; let us not speak of the future. Now you must tell me all the tidings of Lorien," Arwen requested, taking her sister by the hand. They walked together from the courtyard._

_Aldariel laughed softly, her cares in this dark time lightened by the mere presence of her gentle sister. "There is much to tell, far too much for one night. But we have still a few days before I must return. And before we speak of anything else, you must tell me: is Legolas here for the Council?"_

_Her voice was light, almost unconcerned as she spoke of her betrothed. It wouldn't do to seem too eager._

_Arwen gave her a knowing glance from the corner of her eye. "Yes, he arrived this afternoon."_

_"He did!" All pretense of unconcern abandoned, Aldariel clasped her sister's arm in excitement. "Ah! I thought that he might be, but didn't dare to hope for it. Alassenya ná úve." [4]_

_~*~_

"This isn't just mindless blibber blabber. It seems that it was actually well written." Came Lindir's muffled voice from the other side of the door - he sounded mildly impressed.

"IT IS A MARY-SUE, YOU FOOLISH ELF!" Elrond snapped, his face going red at the defense in favor of the Sue. "MARY-SUES ARE EVIL!!!"

Erestor ignored the lord of Rivendell.

~*~

_"I know how you feel, Dari," Arwen said, understanding. She herself was thrilled that Aragorn had finally arrived, and looking forward most eagerly to his company this evening. She had not seen him for some time as he was kept away by his duties as a Ranger. She knew however that it had been far longer than that, many years, since Aldariel had last seen Legolas. "He wants you to meet him by the river, near the great willow tree, at dawn."_

_Aldariel sighed with content. "Ah, mára, that leaves a few more hours for us to talk. [5] Tell me of what has happened in Rivendell since I was here last."_

_Arwen smiled to herself, knowing that what Dari really meant was, I have missed you and this place so much; tell me what has happened so that I may pretend that I was here. She recounted briefly to Aldariel all that had taken place; Aragorn's comings and goings, the travels of the High Elves in Rivendell, and of the fear quickly gathering amongst them all._

_Then she spent a great deal longer on the amusing anecdotes of everyday life, making Aldariel laugh and groan by turns as she spoke. She knew that the details more than the great events were what would make Dari feel as if she had been there. She kept her conversation light and amusing, poking gentle fun here and there at her friends and relations._

_In turn, Aldariel told her how the troubles had increased the excitement in her life with greater duties. She spent her days in Lorien watching the borders, aiding Galadriel, and often times being Celeborn's messenger. Aldariel, however, did not go into detail on many things, preferring to hold onto the mood of lighthearted reunion. She did not wish to disturb them both with talk of the impending war. Time would be, all too soon, when that could no longer be avoided._

_At long last, the talk grew quieter. As they sat in comfortable silence together, light began to grow in the East. Aldariel looked up and saw the first rays of sun rise above the mountains. She sighed, warmed by the heart to heart with her sister, and the thought of the one awaiting her. "Alas my sister, my heart summons me to meet my lover. I must go." She rose, brushing a caress upon Arwen's dark hair._

_Arwen smiled up at her. "Istan. [6] Go to him, and I too shall seek my love, if he still wakes. We shall speak again before you depart."_

_Aldariel returned her smile with one of tender affection. Then turning quickly, she hastened away._

_By the river Loudwater that ran through the valley of Rivendell were many willow trees. However there was one great tree which stood taller and mightier than all the rest. This was the favorite haunt of the young Aldariel and Legolas, long ago when that which was between them was no more than friendly companionship._

_It seemed almost that the tree had served as a guide for the two young elves, for as the tree grew stronger and larger every year, so did their own bond of friendship. As they had grown that friendship had gradually become deeper, truer--turning into love, which grew stronger and mightier with each year that passed. So it was that after being apart for so long, they met again beneath the leaves of that tree which had been the symbol of their bond._

_As Aldariel approached the great willow she heard a whistle like that of a bird. Looking up into the branches of the tree, she saw him. Her heart leaped, as it always did, even after so many years. Perched between two branches was Legolas, Prince of Mirkwood. Her beloved. As he looked down on her she could see the sadness that lurked deep in his bright eyes, though he smiled a welcome to her. She smiled back, though the pain was also hers; for she knew that in Middle-Earth, though it would never be the same, in the end it would be alright._

_Legolas swung down from the tree and landed lightly beside her. He took her hand and kissed it, as courtly as a maid could wish, then spoiled the effect with a wide grin._

_"My lady," he said, taking her in his arms, "we have been apart far too long." He pulled her close, holding her tightly, as if having finally found her again he was afraid to let her go._

_~*~_

"You never called me 'My lady'!" Marley protested, sounding slightly hurt - despite the fact that deep down inside she knew the story was not true.

"Of course not!" Legolas assured her - desperate to regain favor in her eyes. "I have always called you my Autumn Queen - have I not? A lady is less than a queen and you are as beautiful as an autumn day... I wouldn't dare to call you anything else."

"Enough with the gushy-lovieness!" Erestor spoke angrily - his choice of words leading them to believe that he might have read one too many Mary-Sues. "ON WITH THE STORY!" And, once again... he began to read.

~*~

_"Yes, we have," Aldariel sighed, returning the embrace as tightly. She felt as if, at last, she was truly home. For a moment in silence she stood in his arms, holding him, listening to him breathe. Then she added quietly, "But I fear we must part again very soon."_

_His arms tightened around her, and he buried his face in her hair. "Do not say such things, unless you say also that after this, we shall be together again."_

_"Ai, love," she sighed, "I wish that were so." She ached inside for the bleak future she saw, knowing that ahead was yet much sorrow. "In truth, we must part ways many times, before the day comes when we may live together in peace."_

_He sighed, releasing her so that he could look into her eyes, and tenderly rested his forehead against hers. "My heart, your words bring me much pain."_

_"I won't speak of it anymore, I promise," she responded, smiling up into his eyes, which shone back at her like bright stars._

_They held each other, watching the sun slowly climb into the sky. Aldariel listened while Legolas sang softly--until out of the fading darkness they heard footsteps on the path._

_They both startled, ducking around the tree to hide in it's shadows; then, realizing how needless that was in this peaceful place, they laughed at each other's wariness. Seizing one another's hands, they walked back to the path to meet whoever was coming around the bend in the road._

_At the road, they found Gandalf, flustered and in a hurry._

_"Gandalf, what is it?" Aldariel asked in concern._

_"Forgive me, lady, for intruding," Gandalf said, raising an bushy eyebrow, "but I have an urgent message for you from Galadriel." He gave Legolas an apologetic smile before his deep eyes fixed on Aldariel._

_"Is anything wrong?" she questioned a little anxiously. Gandalf took her by the arm, and led her away a short distance. After a hurried conversation of whispers that Legolas could not make out, they walked back to him shortly._

_"My love, I apologize, for I must run an urgent errand," Aldariel said to Legolas, kissing his cheek. Then to Gandalf, "Please speak to my father for me, and inform him that I will be late for the council." With that, she ran down the path, but Legolas pursued her._

_"Wait, what is this urgent errand that troubles you so?" Legolas was concerned by the worried look on her face._

_"I wish I could tell you now, but I must hurry. Do not worry, I will return soon." Aldariel smiled at him gently, touched by his concern. "I will tell you everything, but for now I can say no more. Farewell, my love." Aldariel turned and ran swiftly towards the stables._

_"Namárie," he called after her. He sighed as she disappeared from sight, still worried, and settled himself to wait for her return._

_[1] melindo (m.) - lover, beloved one  
[2] onóre - sister, by blood relation  
[3] anwave - truly, really, actually  
[4] alassenya ná úve - 'My joy is great.'  
[5] mára - good  
[6] istan - short form of istanye, 'I know.'_

~*~

"It wasn't as bad as the others." Glorfindel spoke slowly - looking slightly happier. The others nodded their agreement. "It didn't even seem like a real Sue."

"I'm still hungry." Elladan announced suddenly.

Legolas scowled. Elrond growled. And Elrohir hit him over the head.

* * *

**I DID ask this author for permission. It was acceptable as long as I didn't put their name. 0.0**

**Odd.**


	10. Kaytar101

**Ouch, I took a quiz and apparantly Marley is a Mary-Sue. 0.0**

**However, I disagree and will not change my character. So... if you feel she is a Mary-Sue, deal with it. *pouts quietly***

**I have written this chapter three times and each time the computer shuts down or I accidentally log out without saving. It is getting quite annoying. *glares at computer screen***

**Here is the next chapter!**

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They had suffered a tragic blow. Glorfindel smugly said that he knew it was bound to happen. Elrond and his sons almost wept with despair. Erestor's voice had finally given out. Usually a quiet elf, the strain of reading the Sue's had overused the muscles in his throat. So he was now forced to sit down and sip at his herbal tea - pouting slightly. Erestor liked the Sue's.

"I vote for Lord Elrond to read." Glorfindel grinned slightly. They all knew they would never be able to get him to read. He was on the brink of insanity as it was. Elladan agreed with the balrog slayer. If one of them must die, it would be his father.

Then he would inherit Rivendell.

Elladan grinned suddenly and let loose a wild laugh. Legolas ignored him and scratched his neck until Elrohir slapped his hand away. The Kiss was beginning to fade, but it seemed that the prince of Mirkwood was suffering from an allergic reaction to the brand of lipstick. Scratching made it spread.

When Elrohir turned away Legolas began to scratch at it again.

Elrond stood up. He was an elf. He was brave. He would NOT LET THIS BOOK DEFEAT HIM! He walked over to the glittery, sparkly, pink book and hesitantly turned the page to the next chapter. The second his finger touched the page - he whimpered, but remained strong.

On the other side of the door, Marley and her brother were making bets as to how long the Lord of Rivendell would last.

~*~

Love at First Sight? by Kaytar101

_I awoke in a dark room. At first I was horrified that I had been captured by something, but I realized my strange sensation of falling. Could the tree have been a portal? I laughed at the thought, but as I looked around me the idea seemed more and more likely. The windows were open, leading to a large balcony, and there were flowers in every possible space. I was lying on a very comfortable bed with green sheets. There were no light switches to be found, but there were candles here and there, giving off a warm glow. It was exactly how I would have imagined the palaces of elves._

_I slowly stood up, in awe, muscles screaming in protest. I managed to make my way to the balcony, where I saw beautiful architecture and gardens all around. The door creaked open, and I spun around startled._

_"Oh, good, you're awake. You gave us quite a scare My Lady Elf," a man with a slight beard and brown hair down to his shoulders said. It took me a while to realize that he had called me an elf._

_"What exactly happened to me? Who are you? And why did you call me an elf?" I was utterly confused. I was shocked when I spoke, my voice sounded like music, sweet and flowing._

_"You fell from the sky Milady. As for my name, it is Aragorn. You may call my by my name if you wish. And I called you elf because unless I am quite mistaken, which I do not think I am, you are and elf. You have the pointed ears, flowing hair, and of course beauty that would put all but the goddesses to shame," Aragorn answered._

_~*~_

Marley howled with laughter, rolling on the floor. Legolas grinned hopefully. A happy wife meant a happy life.

"You fell from the sky... beauty that would put all but the goddesses to shame..." Marley could barely breathe through her laughter.

Elrond looked like he was going to be sick.

~*~

_"This is impossible! I can't be an elf! I was human before I fell through the tree! Where am I?" I asked, my head spinning. I reached out to steady myself and grabbed a mirror, which I then picked up. My pale blue eyes widened at the sight I beheld. I truly did change. My ears were now tapered into a point. My skin was pale and flawless, lips like a rosebud. My hair was no longer a curly mess, but it hung in perfect ringlets- almost nine inches longer than it had been._

_"I assure you, My Lady, you are an elf. You are currently in Rivendell, home of the elves. Lord Elrond was friends with your parents, by the way," he answered._

_"My parents? That's impossible. I had parents back where I came from."_

_~*~_

Glorfindel moaned, clutching at his head. There was only so much Sueness an elf could take...

Erestor sipped at his tea, his eyes wide with anticipation. He waved a hand impatiently at Elrond, telling him to continue reading.

Erestor liked the Mary-Sues.

~*~

_"That may be so, but you birth parents lived here, in Rivendell. You must understand that you were born during a dark time. Your parents sent you through a portal in the hopes that a family would find you and raise you while they fought the evil lord of the land. They intended to bring you back once the danger had passed," Aragorn explained. I could not believe what he said, but it all seemed to make sense. My family all had black hair and brown eyes. I stuck out like a sore thumb. I also knew a language that no one else on earth seemed to know. I wondered if that was my native tongue._

_"My parents, are they alive, did they send for me?" I asked, hoping to find somewhere where I would truly fit in and be appreciated. I felt strangely at home in this strange land, despite the fact that I had only been fully conscious here for a few minutes._

_"I'm sorry My Lady, but your parents passed soon after you were safely transported to a new land. They died trying to fight the darkness that had claimed our lands," Aragorn said, looking down._

_~*~_

"Darkness? DARKNESS!?!" Elrond shrieked indignantly, slamming his fist down on the book, causing a puff of sparkles to shoot up. "Darkness is MIRKWOOD! MIRKWOOD! Not RIVENDELL! There is no darkness here!"

Edain whispered softly in his sister's ear, causing Marley to fight back laughter.

The hall closet was dark...

~*~

_"Oh, well I thank you for informing me of this. It would have been nice to meet them at least one time. But Aragorn, why do call me 'My Lady'? My name is Jasmine. You may call me that if you wish to. Please do, actually," I responded, curious. I was not at all used to being called 'My lady'._

_"I call you that because your parents were royalty, making you a princess. However, if you wish it, I will call you Jasmine from now on," he responded, smiling for the first time since I had met him._

_"I do wish it. But a princess? I haven't the slightest idea how to behave like a princess!"_

_"You are already doing a fine job. I guarantee you will capture the hearts of you subjects easily, for if I may be so bold, you are very easy to grow fond of Jasmine," Aragorn complimented._

_~*~_

"THERE ARE NO PRINCESSES IN RIVENDELL!" Elrohir snarled, glaring at the book. "THERE ARE LORDS AND LADIES! NO PRINCESS, NO PRINCE, NO KING NOR QUEEN! LORDS!!!" Breathing heavily, Elrohir turned to his twin, who was looking at him with wide eyes.

"What!?" Elrohir spat.

"Nothing... nothing..." Elladan whispered, turning back to the book - feeling quite scared.

~*~

_"Well, thank you. Is there any way that I could have a bath? I feel quite dirty. Also, are there any spare clothes that I might use?"_

_"My lady, I will have servants draw you a bath. As for the clothes, you shall have to borrow nothing from now on. You are a princess and as such, you will receive the best quality gowns."_

_"Thank you Aragorn. After I finish, may I seek you out. I think I would like a tour of Rivendell and I would l thoroughly enjoy being shown around by a friend, if I may consider you a friend," I asked._

_"Of course you may. I would be honored to give you a tour. And I would be very glad if you considered me a friend. I shall introduce you to some of my friends as well, for I think you would like to know more people than just me. I will meet you at the fountain you can see from your balcony."_

_"Thank you. Where should I find you?" I asked. I had a friend! Maybe I would grow to love this place. I really would enjoy having new friends. These thoughts made me think of Jo. I truly hoped she was alright. I felt awful about what I said, and I realized that I would never be able to go back to Earth. Everyone there would assume I had died. Oh poor Jo! She would feel terrible after what she had said to me. I wished there was a way to tell her that I was alive and well, but I knew I could not. I could only hope that she would not make herself feel too awful._

_The servants prepared my bath and I undressed and slid into the warm water. That was when I noticed the servants were still there._

_It appears that they must have sensed my confusion, because one of them said, "My Lady, we are here to assist you. May we scrub the dirt off you?"_

_I thought how strange this was, but agreed to it. They began with my arms, working their way down my back and legs. It felt so good to be pampered after what I had been through. The soap they used smelled of roses and they lathered my hair with something similar. They held a towel up for me after I was clean, and allowed me to cover myself with it before they led me to my room._

_On the bed, there was a beautiful dress. It was a crimson red with cream lace adorning the bodice, sleeves, and hem. The sleeves were of the same color until they reached my elbow, where a cream fabric flowed from it, like a river of shimmering fabric. Tiny pearls lined the top of the bodice and sleeves. I gasped in awe of the beautiful garment that I now owned._

_"I'm afraid I won't be able to put this on without help. Would you be so kind as to help me?" I asked._

_"Of course, My Lady, we would be glad to help you."_

_With their help, I was wearing the dress within minutes. I looked amazing. My hair had a sheen to it and the dress fit perfectly, as if it was made for me and would not be worn by anybody else._

_I put on shoes to match my dress and made my way outside to find Aragorn. As I wandered through the halls, I felt many eyes watching me. I tried not to feel self conscious, but I still felt a little awkward. I stepped into the yard which the fountain was located in. Aragorn was right where he said he would be. He seemed to be in a deep conversation with an elf. He was one of the most handsome men I had ever seen. His blonde hair was braided just above his ears. He seemed to be three inches taller than me and his body was muscular, but not overly so. I approached slowly and I stepped on a twig, which cracked under my foot._

_~*~_

"Not overly muscular?!" Legolas protested, looking quite offended. He scratched at his neck before flexing his arms. "See! I'm muscular! I'm in better shape than any of these Noldor elves! Bah, not overly muscular..." He then proceeded to mumble incoherantly.

Marley was getting angry. Mary-Sue's got on her nerves.

~*~

_When they heard this, they both turned in my direction. I heard them gasp._

_"Jasmine, you look beautiful," Aragorn managed to say._

_"My Lady, you do indeed look wonderful. Your beauty far surpasses that of any other maiden I have met," Aragorn's friend said. I ducked my head to hide my blush. I never got compliments on earth. I was not used to being called beautiful._

_"Thank you My Lord, although I am not used to being called beautiful," I managed to say. His eyes were a transfixing shade of blue. I felt like I could lose myself in them. I wanted to get lost in them._

_"That cannot be. Surely a lady as lovely as you must get compliments constantly. Is this the maiden you spoke of Aragorn?"_

_"Aye. Legolas, this is Princess Jasmine. Jasmine, this is Legolas Greenleaf, Prince of Mirkwood."_

_"I am honored to meet you, Legolas Greenleaf." I replied, bowing slightly._

_"No, the honor is all mine Princess Jasmine. I am sorry you had to arrive here to find you parents deceased, but I swear that anything you need, my family and I will be more than happy to provide," Legolas said._

_"Thank you. That means a lot to me. But please, call me Jasmine. Being called Princess makes me feel odd."_

_"As you wish, Jasmine. Aragorn just informed me that you were taking a tour of the grounds. May I accompany you?"_

_"Of course. I would be quite pleased if you did. Now, if you don't mind my asking, it seems that there is a great gathering of elves, humans, and dwarves. Is this what usually happens, or is something going on that I should be aware of?" I asked, curious._

_"Well, I suppose you know of the ring of power. Our friend, Gandalf the Gray, has set off to find the hobbit, Bilbo Baggins, who possesses it. We expect that his nephew will be responsible to bring it here, where we will decide who will bear the ring to Mordor to be destroyed," Legolas answered. When he mentioned the ring of power, I remembered something the maids who helped me earlier spoke of. A ring that had the power to destroy all of mankind. I cringed at the thought._

_"Why take it to Mordor? Can't you just destroy it here?" I asked. It would be so much simpler if they got rid of it here. There would be less danger that way._

_"Alas, many people have had the same idea as you, but it does not work. The ring can only be destroyed in the fires that created it," Aragorn answered._

_"Oh, forgive me. I did not know," I apologized, feeling very stupid._

_"There is noting to forgive Jasmine. You were not aware of this. It was a good idea though," Legolas replied, smiling at me._

_"Well, let's get started on that tour I promised," Aragorn said, offering me his arm. I took it and smiled. Legolas stood on the other side of me and took on the task of explaining the history and significance of everything we passed. This was no easy task, due to the fact that everything here was incredible old and had served as something important at one time or another._

_When the tour was finally finished, it was about time for supper. I was nervous because there were many traditions that I was not aware of, including the tiny detail of an escort._

_"Jasmine, if you do not already have an escort to supper, I would be honored to escort you and introduce you to some people who you might like to know," Legolas offered._

_"That would be lovely Legolas, if you do not already have someone to escort," I replied._

_"Well, thank you, and no, I do not have anyone to escort. You could say I was waiting for someone special to come along," he said mischievously._

_"Am I special to you Legolas?" I asked, trying to keep my tone playful, but inside me, there was a burning desire to hear his answer and I prayed that it would be yes._

_"Yes, I'm afraid you are very special, almost too special."_

_"You're joking Legolas. Please don't play with my emotions," I said_

_"My lady Jasmine, I would not jest about something this serious. I apologize if I offended you," Legolas replied. Although he was teasing me only seconds ago, I could not doubt the sincerity in his voice and eyes. I believed him and hearing his words made my heart soar._

_"You have no idea how happy you have just made me," I said._

_"I believe I have an idea. Now, tell me Jasmine, do you consider me to be special?"_

_"I do, truly I do. You really are something special and I am not lying," I said._

_Legolas smiled at me, a smile that melted my heart. He bid me farewell and promised to stop by my room before dinner so that he could escort me. I severely hoped that this would continue for a long time._

_~*~_

With a terrible war cry, Marley rammed against the door - causing it to crash down. An angry wife is a wife great and terrible... Legolas beamed at the sight of his wife, and if Erestor wasn't restraining him, he would have fallen to the floor and kissed her feet.

Marley marched over to her husband and kissed him passionatly on the mouth, long and hard. Finally breaking away, slightly gasping for breath, she hissed angrily - glaring at the book, "Let's see you do that, Jasmine!"

The Noldor elves looked at them with wide and frightened eyes. In the hallway, which was now visible, they could all see Edain rolling around howling with laughter.

* * *

**Yes! I finally got this chapter done! *happy dance* Please give me reviews, I always enjoy them! Any suggestions on who should read in the next chapter?**


	11. UNKNOWN TITLE AND AUTHOR

**I apologize for the somewhat slow update, I have been VERY busy. But I'm not going to bore you with long author's notes - on with the chapter!**

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"Am I forgiven?" Legolas spoke hopefully as his chestnut haired wife sat down in the chair next to him (after Elrohir was pushed off, of course).

Marley raised an eyebrow - causing Elrond to get quite upset. He had, after all, gotten that facial contortion copy righted. He made a quick mental note to call his lawyer, but that thought was quickly driven out of his mind when Erestor stood up, his hands placed on his hips in an annoyed fashion. He pointed at the pink, sparkly book and mimed reading. Elrond shook his head furiously and only barely managed to dodge Erestor's angrily thrown cup of herbal tea. Not wishing to have an irate adviser on his hands, he began to read again - ignoring the Mirkwood couple as Legolas tried to wrap his arm around Marley's shoulder only to have it impatiently pushed away.

~*~

TITLE AND AUTHOR UNKNOWN

_She ran through the forest, hearing the barking of the hunting dogs behind her. She could not let them catch her. If they did they would take her to Mordor and she would never be free again. _

_They urge to use her powers was frightening but she knew if she did that Sauron, the Dark King would simply send more hunters after her. So she simply ran on._

_She heard the dogs again and the voices of the hunters were clearer now. She could make out four different voices and none seemed pleasant. She didn't look behind knowing it would make her slow down. Up ahead she saw the faint outline of the road and gave a sigh of relief only to have it lodge in her throat. She stopped running because just in front of her was a steep cliff._

_"Oh, great. So, here's the choice: Dogs or cliff, Death or Death" The howls behind her were getting closer. "I'm going to go with the cliff."_

_As the hunters stepped out of the woods she took a deep breath and jumped. She closed her eyes waiting for the impact and the last thing she heard, besides the wind whipping past her ears was: "King Sauron is not going to be happy about his." Then the ground decided to greet her._

_~*~_

"KING Sauron!" Elrond screeched - and he would've torn the horrible book apart if Edain hadn't restrained him. The dark haired brother of Marley had finally gotten over his laughing fit and had stationed Lindir at the door to make sure nobody could leave the room. While Edain was usually a quiet and solemn elf, everyone being in the room suddenly thought he was quite brave and noble when he told Lord Elrond to sit down. HE would read. Elrond sat down, all the while muttering things along the line of 'if I can't be king, HE can't be king... I am better than he is... he is not king...'

Glorfindel had left his place on the floor to sit next to Marley. They had always gotten along well. Legolas tried, once again, to get Marley to kiss him again. However, the amber eyed elleth was well known for bearing grudges, and she still had not forgiven him completely for what he had said earlier. The prince of Mirkwood found himself rejected. He scratched at the kiss on his neck, sniffling somewhat.

Edain grinned and began to read.

~*~

_She woke up with a start, gripping the bed covers. Her copy of 'Lord of the Rings' lay on the table next to her. She picked it up and looked at the cover._

_"I have got to stop having chocolate at night"_

_The next day, when she walked out the door she stood and stared at the blue sky, so like her own eyes. People passing by would be forgiven for thinking she was a dream, for she was perfectly built and graceful, her hair gold with paler streaks in it. She was not overly tall but just the right height for her 16 years. She was wearing jeans and a light blue crop top with ¾ length sleeves. Around her neck was a plain gold ring. She picked up her bag, said goodbye to her mother and went to find a quiet spot in the wood where she could read in peace._

_~*~_

Edain paused - his mouth open, but no sound coming out. He looked at the book in front of him and then he looked back up at the other elves. "What did I just read?" He whispered, his voice hoarse. Marley stood up, leading her brother to her own seat.

"It's okay... just sit down, it'll be alright." Marley said, a slightly demonized light coming into her eyes. The Noldor elves almost whimpered when she herself walked to the book and began to read in a powerful, dramatic voice...

~*~

_She walked on and on and had just got to her favorite tree, when she heard what sounded like a child crying. She went to investigate and had just stepped into clearing when she heard a twig snap behind her. She spun around but she was too slow and something hit her head. As she fell to the ground she swore she heard a voice whisper in her ear before the darkness over took her, a voice which made her shake with fear. That voice said:_

_"Welcome back, dear daughter"_

_When she awoke she was lying on her back at the foot of a cliff and for the life of her she couldn't remember a cliff in the forest. It sounded like wolves were howling at the top and her dream came back to her. She got up and slowly backed away, before turning on her heel and running through the trees. Her hands felt tinglely and she was vaguely aware of a sense of power in her. She didn't understand, and she wasn't sure she wanted to._

_She kept running until she was forced to stop. And she was forced to stop because she ran smack-dap into someone's back. Forcing her to fall back and strike her head against a rock. She started to go unconscious again, and her last thought was 'not again'._

_This time when she awoke she was in a room, dressed in a white robe. Her clothes were folded at the table opposite the large bed. She got up and was about to get dressed when the oak door opened. Three men came inside and stared at her. Then she realized that the robe didn't quit cover her._

_"Who are you?" he said as she stood blushing._

_"Hannah Stanczyk." She replied._

_"My name is lord Elrond," said the 1st man._

_"Um, you're joking right?"_

_"No, I'm not. This is my foster-son, Aragon and Legolas the prince of Mirkwood."_

_"And let me guess there's 4 hobbits called Frodo, Merry, Pippin and Sam. Oh yeah lets not forget Gandalf and Gimli._

_The three looked at each other in shock, before Aragon asked:_

_"How did you know that?"_

_She looked around for her bag and spying it in the corner dove for it. She rifled though and took out her copy of 'Lord of the Ring' and passed it to Aragon._

_"That's how."_

_She was about to say something else when Aragon put a sword to her neck. "What type of devilry is this?", he asked, starting to push harder. All of a sudden a white light surrounded her and she felt the ring around her neck get hotter and clothes formed around her. Aragon raised his sword to strike and she lifted her hands to deflect the blow. But it never came._

_~*~_

Elladan and Elrohir cheered wildly for their brother while Elrond cried out loudly, "That's my son! That's MY son!"

Erestor smirked. "I taught him everything he knows." The adviser spoke pompously.

~*~

_Instead a beam of light shot out of her hands and hit Aragon on the chest, throwing him against the wall. Hannah started backing away, clenching her hands into fists. She kept her face down until she heard someone laughing. She glanced up and saw Legolas bent over with laughter._

_"Aragon, I believe Lady Hannah has just bested you. No, not only bested you but whipped you as well. Ai, if only she had come on the quest with us. It would have much more fun."_

_Hannah asked, "So, what was it really like with the Fellowship? Did you and Gimli really have that competition?" They started chatting as the walked out of the room together. Elrond and Aragon looked at each other and then broke into grins. It looked like Legolas finally found someone who sparked his interest._

_~*~_

Marley's voice trailed off, her fingers trembling slightly. SHE was the one that had sparked his interest, wasn't she? Was there another woman? Not ALL of these stories could be wrong... Marley scratched at her neck.

"NO!" Legolas snarled, jumping up, ignoring the pain in his legs. He ran at Marley - knowing that he would later have to have his legs reset -, enveloping her in his arms as he kissed her passionately, similar to how she had kissed him. "I love YOU." He spoke firmly, shaking her slightly. "And only YOU."

Lindir walked away, shaking his head in disgust. "What gunk. What sickening love junk..."

Marley looked dazed. Legolas collapsed to the floor, slumping up against the wall - breathing heavily. "I will read the book." He spoke firmly, and nobody was going to argue with him. The kiss was nothing more than a faint shadow, but the treatment must be finished or it would return stronger than ever.

Legolas read - his voice dark and powerful. Glorfindel tried to sneak out of the room, but Erestor tripped him. They would all see this through to the end, whether or not they liked it or not.

~*~

_The feast took forever to finish and Hannah was starting to feel claustrophobic. She slipped out once the dancing started and walked along the path. She felt almost free in the dark; she could forget the voices and the power. She could forget everything … except it seemed a pair of blue eyes and Elvin ears. She fingered the ring that she had had for as long as she remembered._

_"Its beautiful out here."_

_She spun around at the voice. Legolas was standing there, framed by the lights from inside. God, he looks like a dream, what am I saying this has got to be a dream. Now the million-dollar question is do I want to wake up?_

_She was brought out of her musing when she noticed Legolas was looking at her with such tenderness that it made her want to cry. He stepped forward and reached out for her. Once she was securely in his arms he leaned down until his lips were close to hers, giving her a moment to pull away. When she didn't he started to get closer, then someone called his name._

_The spell was broken and Hannah jerked out of his arms. She took a few steps away from him then turned and fled into the night. He made to run after her but realized that she was too fast even for him. He turned around defeated and walked up the stairs to were Aragon was standing._

_"I'm sorry, I didn't realize. I just wanted to tell you the Hobbits, Gandalf and Gimli have arrived. I didn't mean to scare her off."_

_Legolas sighed and shook his head. "No, my friend. Your news is very welcome and as for Hannah, I fear the fault is mine. We barely know each other and I seemed to have moved too fast. It has just never felt this right with someone before… Does any of this make sense?"_

_"Yes, it does. It was how I felt when I first met Arwen."_

_"True, I remember her saying the very same thing."_

_Neither had heard Elrond come up, but then Elves always were quiet on their feet._

_"There is a matter that I would like to talk to you about. The light seemed unnatural, Magical. She seems to have no control over this power. In truth, she seemed as surprised by it as we were."_

_They were all quiet, lost in their own thoughts. Elrond was thinking about the strange gift this new girl had. Aragon was wondering if this was going to bring any problems with it and how they might stop it if it did._

_Legolas however was thinking of baby blue eyes, hair that shine like the sun, flushed cheeks and lips that put a rose to shame which the richness of there red. And he was thinking on how to tell her that he really like her,_

_When in truth, if he admitted to himself, what he really felt for her was love._

_~*~_

"There are only two chapters left." Legolas spoke, his eyes narrowed with determination. Elrond moaned, even as he mentally calculated how much longer it would take Legolas' legs to heal now. Marley was scratching at her neck and Erestor was looking at her shrewdly.

Elrohir and Elladan shared a look.

"We are still hungry.

* * *

**Agh! I'm FINALLY done with that horrible chapter! It took FoReVeR to write and I don't even know why! *groans and slumps in chair* I am so tired, it isn't even funny. The only thing that has kept me going is chocolate and soda - not a healthy combination, I know. But I'm burning off those calories ten fold when I go jogging in the morning with Kyle before work. Doesn't that man EVER get tired!? And I think his dog is on steroids! **

**AGH!**

**... Please review...**


	12. Dedicated to Cathie McShepin

**Dedicated to Cathie McShepin: born December 14, 1999 - died September 21, 2009**

**I am writing this to keep my mind from wandering... I need something to occupy my thoughts. So I apologize if my humour is somewhat lacking...**

* * *

_She tossed and turned in her bed, trying to find the perfect spot, the most comfortable position. Not going to happen apparently, as she felt uncomfortable no matter how she turned. Finally, twelve-year-old Enalphiel Everlyst rolled onto her back, looking up at her ceiling. She would find no rest tonight._

_She stared up at the cracks in the ceiling, trying to rid herself of the terrible feeling that had been slowly growing since she woke this morning. 'Something dark is coming. Something is going to happen' she thought, sighing. Her dark brown hair tumbled down her shoulders and her green eyes were sleepy, but she knew she would not sleep._

_Enalphiel pulled back the covers, revealing her small, thin body, clothed in a sheer nightgown. The balcony doors were open the slightest bit and she could feel the cold air breeze in, blasting her, and causing goose bumps to pop up on her skin._

_But that wasn't the only reason the bumps appeared._

_~*~  
_"Green eyes with brown hair sounds quite pretty..." Erestor mused - absentmindedly smacking Marley's hand away from her neck.

"I wonder if her body is so 'small and thin' because she is being starved..." Elrohir growled, sending his father a meaningful look.

Elrond ignored him.

~*~

_Her elf heritage allowed her to move swiftly, quickly to open doors, and she stepped out onto the balcony. Nothing slipped past her eyes as she cautiously scanned the forests at the edge of her parent's house. The great House of Everlyst. That name was almost as famous as Elrond, or Galadriel._

_Enalphiel had no brothers or sisters and lived alone with her mother and father. Her mother, the younger daughter of Galadriel, Lady of the Woods, was one of the most beautiful elves. Enalphiel didn't think she inherited any of the beauty traits at all. _

_~*~_

Glorfindel rubbed the sides of his head with his fingertips. "I am quite tired of these people claiming that they don't realize they are beautiful when they - are in fact - apparently the most beautiful creatures upon Arda. It is... tiring..."

"I think she is humble." Marley spoke softly, her brilliant emerald eyes sparkling brightly.

Erestor smacked Marley's hand away from her neck.

~*~

_Everlyst was a famous name for other reasons than being the granddaughter and daughter of the great Galadriel and Celeborn. Her father and mother were both elvish warriors, trained in the Lorien woods. Her father had told her stories of the Great Battle against Sauron for control of Middle Earth, a battle that had taken place long before Enalphiel was born. Her mother was not allowed into battle, but she did train. Despite the fact that she had never battled, she was one of the most feared warriors. When she met Enalphiel's father, they fell in love and moved away together. Two of the most powerful warriors._

_Enalphiel smiled as she thought of the love her parent's shared. It was a beautiful thing. It made her long for the days when she would find someone of her own. Sometimes she caught them just hanging out together, smiling, talking, off in their own little world of each other. _

_The sound of leaves crinkling and crunching under heavy boots startled her. She scanned the horizon again, and to her surprise, could make out figures running around. _

_'No…' she said as she saw them come out of the forest, swords drawn. _

_Orcs._

_Breathing hard, she raced away from her balcony, out of her large bedroom, and down the stairs. 'Mama!! Papa!!!' she cried, hoping they would hear her. Their room wasn't far from her's._

_She skidded to a stop just outside their door and began pounding on it. 'Mama!! Mama! Papa, wake up! Orcs!!!', she cried. Tears formed in her eyes, as she tried the doorknob. _

_Not even a minute after she mentioned the Orcs, the door flew open, and her mother stood there, looking terrified. 'Enalphiel, what is it? Orcsyou say?' she said, her lovely face screwing up in worry. Her father was rummaging through a trunk and pulled out two swords. He threw oneto his wife._

_~*~_

Edain raised an eyebrow. "They keep their weapons in a trunk? Yet they are experienced warriors? Only the foolish keep their weapons in a place such as a trunk."

Elladan stiffened, avoiding the Mirkwood elf's gaze. He silently reminded himself to get his sword out of the trunk in his closet.

~*~

_'Nadriedë, take Enalphiel down to the stables and find her a horse. Make sure she gets out safely. Send her to Lorien. It is closest. Galadriel will keep her safe.' My father said, quickly, coming to by my mother and I's sides. 'My beloved, you will be safe. I will see you again at your grandmother's after we take care of these things.' He finished, wiping away some of my tears._

_'Tinánd, I can get her down to the stables and out of here quickly, but I am coming back to fight with you. Amin mela lle. Amin khiluva lle a' gurtha ar' thar. (I love you. I will follow you to death and beyond.)' My mother said, looking him fiercely in the eye._

_~*~_

"Why do writer's do this?" Legolas paused in his writing, looking quite annoyed. "We would elves be bilingual in their own home without humans around? If they insist on having elvish in, than they must have it ALL in elvish. Otherwise it is merely irritating."

Marley nodded dazedly, agreeing with her sexy, hawt!!!, husband. Her sapphire eyes sparkled with love. "_Amin mela lle. (I love you.)_ Will you kiss me?"

Legolas blanched and began reading as Glorfindel murmured softly, "I thought Marley's eyes were brown..."

~*~

_He nodded quickly, and sent us on our way. My mother picked me up and ran with me all the way down. Just as we left the building, some orcs hiding on the side began shooting at us. My mother managed to dodge them, before hiding behind a tree. She whipped out her own bow and shot back at them. Within minutes, the orcswere lying dead on the ground.'Hurry! The stables are near!' my mother said, putting away her bow, and pointing to the wooden stables ahead. She looked out from behind the tree to see if orcswere around, and then proceeded. I followed quickly, shaking from fear. I could barely feel, I was so afraid. Afraid for my parents, afraid for me. _

_My mother quickly pulled out our fastest horse and I mounted her, tears still dripping down my face. 'Enalphiel. Enalphiel, listen to me. Whatever happens to your father and me, I want you to know that we love you. Very much. Never forget that okay?' she said, grasping my face with her hands, wiping away tears. 'Ride hard. Ride fast.'_

_She whipped the bottom of my horse and I was off. Out of the stables, past the trees, and heading deep into the forests. I turned around and saw my mother watching me as I made my way out. As soon as I reached the forest, she turned and ran back inside the building to help my father._

_That was the last time I ever saw her alive._

_*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_-* _

**_Two Thousand Years Later…_**

_'Haldir, my friend, we have competed many times before, and never have you defeated me. Why do you think this time will be different?'_

_'Because, Princess, I have perfected my knife throwing. The one thing you had always beat me in.'_

_'You mean, one of the things I always beat you in. Other than the sword fighting, the bow and arrows, and the martial arts contests…and don't call me Princess.'_

_~*~_

"How many elf princesses are on Arda!?" Elrond roared - a vein in his temple pulsating slightly. Legolas raised an eyebrow.

"You are just upset because you aren't a king." Elrohir muttered under his breath, his hands clenching into fists.

Legolas decided that now was the time to read once again.

~*~

_'Yes, yes, Enalphiel, bruise your friends' already frail ego, why don't you?'_

_Enalphiel smiled and laughed at her friend's pouting face. They were just coming back from another practice session. 'Oh please. Your ego is anything but frail. Actually I think hearing things like this will help your head from swelling too big.' She said, laughing._

_'Ah, go chop off someone's head.' He quipped, before leaving her in the hallway. She rolled her eyes at his comment. He knew him always calling her 'Princess' and making jokes at her stature annoyed her to no end. He loved it._

_'Chop off your head, dear Haldir…' she muttered, walking away._

_Haldir was like a brother to her. She'd grown up knowing him. She moved to Lorienwhen she was twelve, after…_

_~*~_

"These people do not understand how elves age, do they?" Edain grimaced, running his hand over his face weariy. "We do not come of age until we are fifty - and that would be the equivalent of a young human... what do you call it? Teenager?

"I was kidnapped, tortured, and raped when I was six... Legolas rescued me and seven years later we got married." Marley whispered, her long blond hair emphasizing the beauty in her face.

Elrond paled and began searching frantically through E.L Flord's medical guide.

Legolas blinked. "That wasn't how I remembered us meeting..." He looked as though he was going to continue, but decided against it - not even voicing his question as to why she was wearing black and red leather that hugged her body tightly...

~*~

_'Enalphiel?'_

_She stopped abruptly, hearing her name. She turned around and was surprised to see her grandmother, the Lady of the Woods, Galadriel, standing there._

_'Grandmother! How are you on this day?' she said, walking over and kissing her cheek. _

_'I am well.' She said, smiling, her beautiful face lit up. Her golden hair shone in the sun, sparkling brilliantly. Enalphiel wished she had inherited some of her genes._

_Over the past two thousand years, Enalphiel's own hair had changed little. It was still the same wavy dark brown, but now it fell to her waist. Her green eyes had not dimmed or changed a bit. They were a deep emerald green, very common among dark-haired elves. She didn't see anything special about herself._

_Her light olive skin stood out against most of the Lorien elves, which were blonde, blue-eyed, and pale. Her mother, Nadriedë, was blonde as well, but her father was dark haired._

_'I am glad.' Enalphiel said, as she put her knives into her special sheath hidden in her shoes. She laid her bow on the floor and re-adjusted her hair, which was falling from its bun._

_'Have you been practicing again? You are very dedicated to this…and very talented.' Galadriel said, smiling at her, as she took hold of her arm and they walked through the halls together._

_'Yes…thank you, grandmother.' She said, looking off into the forests. She decided to voice what had been on her mind for the past few days. 'Galadriel? Do you ever wonder if I could do more than this? More than just training? I just…sometimes feel I was meant for more than this.'_

_~*~_

Erestor scowled. Even his love for the Sue tales could not stand firm against the great evil of Enalphiel.

"I feel that she was meant for more than that too..." Marley whispered, her glorious golden eyes as warm as the sun's rays.

Elrond threw away E.L Flord's medical guide and started searching through Fath Erofid Iots book of healing.

~*~

_Galadriel stopped and turned Enalphiel to face her. She lifted her face up and spoke softly. 'I think your time will come soon. You are meant for more. You've had a love for archery, swordplay, and knife throwing for as long as I can remember, and you are more talented at it than most of the warriors on my armies. You will show them. Your time will come.' She ended, brushing back her hair, and backed away slowly. 'I will go have a look in the mirror. Are you going up for the night?'_

_'Yes, Grandmother.'_

_'Goodnight then.' She bent over and kissed her on the forehead. Galadriel watched as Enalphiel walked up the stairs and disappeared from sight. She smiled once again, thinking of how proud her daughter would be of Enalphiel, before turning and making her way down to her mirror._

_She arrived in her place of solitude and glided across the glade to pick up her water pitcher. She filled it using the small waterfall on the side of her glade, and turned to her bowl. She slowly poured the water in and when it was filled, she leaned over and gazed into the water._

_A few blurry images flashed by, but soon they became clearer…_

_A small hobbit and Gandalf the Grey talking, holding a Ring…'This the One Ring, Frodo…'_

_~*~  
_"IS!" Elladan screamed, pulling at his hair. "It is "THIS IS THE ONE RING"! Not - "THIS THE ONE RING"!"

Everybody ignored them, except for Marley - who looked quite confused. "Wut r u tlkng 'bout - Dan?"

Edain fought the urge to run out of the room.

~*~

_The hobbit and his friends setting out from the Shire and being chased by the RingWraiths…_

_The hobbits in a strange city, meeting a familiar face…Aragorn?_

_Galadriel stepped closer, to get a better look. A ring? Gandalf called it 'The One Ring'…he couldn't mean…_

_The hobbit called Frodo being stabbed by the wraith's sword… _

_Galadriel's other grandchild, Arwen, riding up to Frodo with Aragorn. They exchange words and Arwen leaves with Frodo, taking him to Elrond…_

_Frodo in the House of Elrond, being healed…_

_The images disappeared and Galadriel stepped back, breathing hard. What did it all mean? Was the One Ring found?_

_'My lady!! Lady Galadriel!'_

_A voice interrupted her thoughts. She looked up to see one of her messenger elves. 'Yes?'_

_'A message from Lord Elrond, of Rivendell, lady.'_

_'And what does he say?'_

_'He is calling a meeting in three days time to discuss the finding of the One Ring. He asks that you send a representative of the Lorien elves.'_

_~*~_

"LIAR! I DID NOT CALL A MEETING! ALL LIES!" Elrond screamed madly.

But everyone was ignoring him by now.

~*~

_Galadriel looks at the ground, torn apart by the idea of letting her Enalphiel go, but knowing that it is what is best for her._

_'Send for Enalphiel. She will set out for Rivendell in the morning. She will represent us.'_

_She reached Rivendell in two days. It was just getting dark as she galloped past the tall gates. Her horse was overjoyed for the break. Enalphiel was just happy to be in Rivendell. It had been too long since she had last visited. But…she admitted to herself, she only really liked two people here. Other than that, Rivendell was just a nice place to look at._

_~*~_

Elrond's face grew red with rage. "If I ever meet this 'Enalphiel' - I will kill her... I will kill her..."

Marley perked up suddenly - her charcoal eyes happy and her raven black hair shining. "Thranny!" She screamed, standing up and running to the door.

Elrond blinked. Elladan squeaked. Elrohir squirmed. Erestor whimpered. And Glorfindel shrieked.

And they all fainted dead away.

King Thranduil was standing in the doorway.

* * *

**Enalphiel will return in the next chapter. Please review...**


	13. Thranduil vs Elrond

**_We don't need or want to hear about your life - so don't waste our time by  
putting in idiotic author's notes. And I don't think you should be bashing  
Mary-Sues when your character "Marley" is among the biggest Mary-Sues I have  
ever seen. Thanks for wasting my time with this poor excuse for literature. If  
you have any intelligence or self respect, you would remove this story from  
this website at once._**

**_A Very Annoyed Reader_**

**My response to you? Shut up.**

**My response to the wonderful people that have expressed their sympathies? Thank you. You have no idea how much it means to me.**

* * *

Thranduil held Marley out at arm's length, looking at her cautiously. "Edain - get that Valar forsaken Noldor to his feet." He commanded.

Edain obeyed instantly, pulling the Lord of Rivendell up off the floor and backhanding him - slightly too enthusiastically - but it worked.

"What is wrong with her?" The king of Mirkwood snarled, releasing his hold on Marley to glare at Elrond. "And why is my son on the floor and covered in glitter?!"

Elrond gulped, but managed not to flinch under the furious gaze. "I... I think I know what is wrong with Marley..." He picked up Fath Erofid Iots Book of Healingand quickly turned to page 72 and he began to read the passage outloud.

"The Suethonic Plague: A disease that attacks the mind, body and soul. Often causes the victim to have emotions to the extreme - such as lust, angst, anger, happiness, pride, ect. The Suethonic Plague was once a rare disease, but has become more and more common in the Third Age. Males who have suffered from the similar disease, the Kiss of a Mary Sue, transmit it to females - most often by the exchange of bodily fluids, such as saliva. Some of the many affects of this disease is the illiterate use of language, the urge to wear leather and skimpy clothing, and the rapid change of hair and eye color." Elrond swallowed thickly, shooting an uneasy glance at the Elvenking. "There is no known cure."

Marley giggled, waltzing over to Legolas - her chocolate brown eyes glittering warmly. She played with the collar of his tunic. "Leggy, let's go have some fun!" She giggled again, leaning in for a kiss but was quickly pulled away by Edain.

"Do you mean to tell me -" Thranduil's voice was deathly quiet as he pulled Legolas off the floor, supporting him so there was no pressure on his injured legs. "That she is doomed to become a Martha Sue or whatever they call it?"

"Mary-Sue." Erestor corrected groggily, crawling up from the floor - shooting an annoyed glance at the still unconscious Glorfindel. "They are called Mary-Sues."

The look upon the King's face made them wish that HE was still unconscious.

"You fix her." Thranduil growled - gesturing to Marley with his one available arm while supporting Legolas with the other. "You fix them both, or so help me - you will regret the day you made the choice to be immortal."

* * *

**No Mary-Sue reading in this chapter. I just need to post stuff in order to keep myself busy.**

**Reviews make me smile.**


	14. RESPECT!

**Wow, somebody actually offered their Mary Sue story to me! It will appear in the next chapter, seeing as this chapter is finishing up the dreaded tale of Enalphiel. I googled "Enalphiel", because I was certain the author had named this ridiculous character something silly like "Moonlight Dancer Star" or "Kiss Me Because I Feel Like a Hormonal Teenage". I got no results, except, that is, my own story: The Kiss of a Mary-Sue.**

**But if anybody can tell me if it means something in Elvish, I would love the info. Just to let you people know, the "elvish" used in this story is "Grelvish" - a language created by the Grey Company, people that mooch off of Tolkien's language and then claim all ownership. Bums. Thanks Araloth for reminding me to tell you guys about that...**

**And here is the chapter...**

***I have written this chapter FOUR times, each time something goes wrong right before I can save. Otherwise I would've posted this YESTERDAY. But... it gives me something to do, right?**

* * *

"...And then, he passed through the seven levels of the Candy Cane forest, through the sea of swirly twirly gum drops, and then he walked through the Lincoln Tunnel." Marley explained, her face grave and serious as she explained to the - finally awakened - Noldor elves. Elrohir and Elladan looked thoroughly confused, while Glorfindel merely looked frightened and dazed at the sight of the formidable king of the Great Wood.

Thranduil, after having gotten over his initial shock about seeing his daughter-in-law acting like a hormonal twelve year old, found the affects of the Suethonic Plague quite amusing. Every few seconds a small chuckle would escape his lips when the - now platinum blonde - elf told them ridiculous tales that she herself believed.

Elrond, in the meantime, was flipping through books at a furious rate, muttering things along the lines of: "The square root of a Sue is a pimple divided by four multiplied by six grams of gummi bears. Using this principle, I could combine the DNA of a fluffy bunny rabbit to the chocolate and eyeliner and strengthen the formula using hair care products and birth control pills..."

Legolas was seated on a comfortable, luxurious, padded chair - put there by Lindir (who had been ordered to by the very fatherly Thranduil), his left eye twitching ever so slightly whenever his wife said "swirly twirly gum drops".

Erestor coughed loudly, holding up the discarded sparkly pink book. "I think it is time we got back to work." He grinned wildly, and for a brief moment - Glorfindel had the impression that Erestor was a direct descendant of Morgoth... or Ungoliant... he couldn't make his mind on which one... maybe both?

And so, once again - Erestor, the lover of the Sues, read the pink sparkly book. And the tale of Enalphiel continued.

~*~

_She reached Rivendell in two days. It was just getting dark as she galloped past the tall gates. Her horse was overjoyed for the break. Enalphiel was just happy to be in Rivendell. It had been too long since she had last visited. But…she admitted to herself, she only really liked two people here. Other than that, Rivendell was just a nice place to look at._

_Enalphiel fingered the strap of her sack, held securely in place on her back. It held only two changes of clothes: her traveling tunic and a beautiful dress to wear to the Council the next day. The dress was her grandmother's contribution, Enalphiel remembered, scowling._

_She'd be perfectly happy wearing her tunic, which hugged her curves, and although it was similar to the men's tunics, it looked very feminine on her. Plus it was comfortable and she could kick a little orc ass in it. Its neckline was sort of low, and the bottom of the dark green tunic came to about mid-thigh. Her boots held a few weapons and her brown cloak was over her shoulders, clasped by the small leaf decal. It was one of the Lothlorien cloaks._

_There was also some food in the sack, lambas bread mainly, and a few spare knives. Her bow and quiver were slung over her shoulders and her best knives were hidden in her clothes, where she could very easily reach them._

_~*~_

"Since when do men's tunics look feminine, have a low 'v' neck, and hit at mid-thigh?" Thranduil commented dryly, propping another pillow underneath Legolas' injured legs.

Erestor scowled at him. "Do not judge the power of a Mary-Sue's body." He growled.

Glorfindel whispered to Elrohir. "I knew it was Ungoliant."

Elrohir nodded slowly. He could clearly see the resemblence between the dark haired elf and the giant, evil spider of the Elder days.

~*~

_She paused a minute, taking in her surroundings. The wind was blowing hard through the trees and the leaves were turning yellow and red. She smiled. It was just as she remembered._

_'Enalphiel!'_

_She jerked her head up, looking forward to the steps of the front entrance. Lady Arwen was making her way down the steps, holding the bottoms of her skirt up. She raised her hand, a sign of 'hello'. And the person who followed her…Enalphiel couldn't believe her eyes: it was Aragorn!!_

_Enalphiel jumped off her horse and met Arwen halfway in a big hug. When Arwen released her, she hugged Aragorn. 'Aragorn! It has been too long. Are you still doing the Ranger thing?'_

_~*~_

"Ranger thing?" Legolas grinned - storing the bit of information away. He had never before described Aragorn's rebellious years as 'the ranger thing'. He had described it as 'smelly and silly'. If he REALLY wanted to marry Arwen that much, he would have gone to Gondor, walked up to Denethor and said "I am king, get out of my house".

But no, Aragorn always had to complicate things...

Elrond grimaced, pausing from his reading. The 'ranger years' was a dark time in his life. Mopey elf women that had no problems with incest and being a pedophile tended and that tend to get whiny are not a fun thing to have in the house.

~*~

_He raised an eyebrow and rested a hand on his sword._

_'I hope you're not getting too cocky. This time, I swear, I'll take you. I've been practicing with the sword more and I think it will take you longer than three seconds to knock me on my ass.' Enalphiel said in a rush. She looked at her two closest and favorite people in all of Rivendell. It really had been so long since they'd last been together. Well…except for Aragorn and Arwen. They saw each other on a regular basis. But they had a good reason!!_

_Aragorn smiled and wrapped his arm around Arwen's waist. 'We shall see, Enalphiel. In the meantime, let us take you to your room. It's still the same one.'_

_'Alright, let's go.'_

_~*~_

"I hate this woman." Marley pouted, sulking while at the same time snuggling against her HaWt!!!1! brother - who looked very uncomfortable. "She doesn't DESERVE Aragorn. He needs somebody BETTER than Enalphiel."

Glorfindel spoke gently, not wishing to upset her already damaged mind. "This isn't a romance between Enalphiel and Aragorn. Aragorn is already with Arwen."

Marley sniffed imperiously, looking at Glorfindel as though he was nothing but an innocent youth. "It's a fling just waiting to happen. I bet you Asfaloth that there will be a three or a foursome in the future of this story."

Glorfindel didn't take the bet. He liked his horse too much.

~*~

_It was cold as she walked down the hallways of Rivendell. The sun had already set, and most of the inhabitants of the elf city were turning in. But not Enalphiel._

_She turned a corner and was startled at what she saw- another elf was out late at night as well. The elf's blond hair shone off the moonlight and as she took in the elf's muscular frame, she deducted (somewhat brilliantly) that the elf was a he._

_~*~_

"Why do these people seem to think that male elves look like females?!" Elladan protested, feeling quite annoyed. He stood up and flexed his muscles before striking an 'angsty' pose. He gestured to his chest. "I do not have... womanly... body parts!" He ran his hands over his face. "I do not have long eyelashes, delicate skin, or soft curves!" He ran his hand down his torso mockingly.

Edain grabbed a nearby napkin to wipe away Marley's drool - another side affect of the Suethonic Plague.

The male elves in the room whistled and clapped loudly (except for Thranduil and Legolas - both of which were too shocked to know whether to flee or laugh) as Elladan began singing loudly, jumping upon the table in front of him.

"What you want, Baby I got! What you need, do you know I got it? All I'm askin' is for a little respect, when I come home!"

Elrohir stood up, making his voice high as he sang, "JUST A LITTLE BIT!"

"Hey baby!" Elladan sang.

"JUST A LITTLE BIT!"

"When I get home!"

"JUST A LITTLE BIT!"

"Misses!"

"JUST A LITTLE BIT!"

Thranduil laughed as his fingertips started tapping to the beat.

"Hey baby!"

"JUST A LITTLE BIT!" Elrohir crowed.

"When I get home!" Elladan waved his hands in the air as their 'audience' clapped loudly.

"JUST A LITTLE BIT!"

"Misses!"

"JUST A LITTLE BIT!"

"I ain't gonna do you wrong while I'm gone. Ain't gonna do you wrong 'cause I don't wanna! All I'm askin' is for a little respect when I come home!"

"JUST A LITTLE BIT!"

"Baby!"

"JUST A LITTLE BIT!"

"When I get home!"

"JUST A LITTLE BIT!"

"Yeah!"

"JUST A LITTLE BIT!"

Elladan spun around, dancing suggestively as he sang at the top of his lungs.

"I'm about to give you all of my money. And all I'm askin' in return, honey! Is to give me my profits when I get home!"

"Just a, just a, just a, just a..."

"Yeah baby!"

"Just a, just a, just a, just a..."

"WHEN I GET HOME!"

"Just a little bit..."

"Yeah!"

"JUST A LITTLE BIT!"

Elladan stumbled slightly as he spun once more, causing Erestor to laugh. But the son of Elrond was too caught up in his song to care.

"Ooo, your kisses! Sweeter than honey! And guess what? So is my money! All I want you to do for me, is give it to me when I get home... Yeah baby! Whip it to me... When I get home, now..."

Elrohir, tired of singing and quite out of breath, collapsed in the nearest chair - watching with slightly amused eyes as his twin continued singing.

Elladan snapped his fingers in a rhythmic manner, his voice getting softer as he sang.

"R-E-S-P-E-C-T! Find out what it means to me! R-E-S-P-E-C-T! Take care, Mary Sue-ee! Oh a little respect! Whoa, babe! A little respect! I get tired, keep on tryin'! You're runnin' out of foolin' and I ain't lyin'! 'Spect when you come home! Or you might walk in and find out I'm gone! I got to have a little respect!"

Elladan spun around, attempting to finish his act with a triple back hand spring ending in a split. The key word _attempt. _Instead, he ended up lying on a pile of cushions on the floor, his left eye twitching and his hands in between his legs.

Erestor rolled his eyes unsympathetically. "It is the doom of all male elf kind to be thought to resemble the female gender. Deal with it." And with those blunt words of wisdom, the dark haired advisor began to read the tale of Enalphiel once more.

_~*~_

_She walked forward more, deciding that she didn't care if someone had invaded her private time. This was, of course, a public place._

_'I did not realize someone else was here.' She said, quietly, watching him turn around quickly in surprise._

_'As did I, though your presence is not unwelcome.' He said, bowing politely._

_'Are you here for Elrond's council meeting?' she said, hoping he might know more about it than she did. Her grandmother did not explain the details, just that she was representing the Lorien elves._

_He looked at her curiously. 'Yes, I am. Representative for the Mirkwood elves, actually.' He said, looking slightly embarrassed. She must be the daughter of one of Elrond's chief advisors…that must be how she knows. He thought._

_~*~_

"Why would I be embarrassed?!" Legolas protested. "All I am doing is talking to a girl!"

Marley fluttered her eye lashes at him. "It's because you are sweet and sensitive, Legolas." She breathed huskily, trying to inch forward but being restrained - to Legolas' relief - by Edain.

~*~

_'I am Legolas. And you are?'_

_'Enalphiel. Please to meet you.'_

_'Are you attending as well?' he asked._

_'Actually, I am. Representative of the Lorien elves. Galadriel sent me.' Enalphiel said, her turn to blush at the bewildered look on his face._

_'The Lorien elves? They sent…a she-elf? Why?' Legolas wondered, before he could control his mouth._

_Enalphiel's eyes narrowed into a glare. Ok…maybe she had the wrong impression of this guy._

_~*~_

"LEGOLAS IS NOT A SEXIST!" Marley snarled, brandishing a sapphire sword (the color of Leggy's eyes! wOot!!1!). "I shall smite you with the blade ExcaliburAnduril, wrought from the metal of the stars!" Just as she was about to cleave the pink, sparkly book in two - she was distracted by her husband's face, and the weapon fell from her hands and clattered to the floor. She sat down in a daze, giggling helplessly.

Legolas buried his head in his hands. "I'm married to a Sue..." He sobbed as Thranduil patted his back comfortingly. "My lovely Marley is a Sue..."

Erestor felt that this was boring, so he spoke loudly over the sounds of sobbing and started reading again.

~*~

_'Why not? I am as skilled with a blade and bow as any man in my woods. Probably more so.' She spat out, angrily, stepping forward as to prove a point._

_'But why would a woman wish to hear of such terrible and dangerous matters?' Legolas said, putting as much energy in the conversation as she was._

_'Believe me, I can handle the 'terrible and dangerous' matters. With ease. Galadriel saw fit to send me, a she-elf, instead of her chief male advisors or general of the armies. Doesn't that speak volumes?' she said hotly. 'Besides, why are you objecting so much to a woman coming? Afraid I'll show you up?'_

_He hesitated for a moment, both of them glaring into each other's eyes._

_'You will back out of this when you hear of the situation at tomorrow's council. That is sure.'_

_'Just wait and see.' She said, before storming off._

_~*~_

"I hate this girl." Elrohir growled, causing all of the surrounding beings to nodd in agreement.

Marley could be heard muttering something along the lines of "Filthy, greasy hair - I am so much better than she is..."

~*~

_Enalphiel arrived at the council a few minutes early, but realized that the only seat was between a dwarf (ugh) and that rude elf from last night…what was his name? Leggy? Lego? Lego…las! Legolas, that was it. He was rude. She thought, grimacing. She smoothed the skirt of her flowing white gown and stepped forward, taking her seat between the two._

_Both looked unhappy. She rolled her eyes to show both of them that she didn't like the arrangement any more than they did._

_Elrond rose from his seat and began. 'Strangers from distant lands, friends of old. You are summoned here to answer the threat of Mordor. Middle-Earth stands on the brink of destruction. You will unite or you will fall. Each race is bound to this fate, this one doom. Bring forth the Ring, Frodo.'_

_A small hobbit that was seated next to Gandalf the Grey stood up and nervously walked forward and laid a small, gold ring on the table in the middle of the room._

_Meanwhile, Enalphiel was piecing things together. Elrond spoke of Mordor and a Ring. She'd heard stories about Sauron and his Ring from her mother and father before they…_

_Well. She really didn't want to go there._

_~*~_

"IF YOU CAN'T EVEN BEAR TO THINK ABOUT YOUR PARENT'S DEATH THAT HAPPENED TWO THOUSAND YEARS AGO THAN YOU SHOULDN'T BE GOING TO A PLACE WHERE LOTS OF PEOPLE DIE!!!" Erestor screeched at the book in his hands, causing Elrond to look up from his reading sharply.

"Erestor - inside voice, please!" He snapped - showing tremendous patience by not throwing the book he was reading at his advisor's head.

~*~

_But she remembered them. If she remembered correctly, Sauron forged the Great Ring to rule all of Middle Earth. Men and Elves fought for their freedom on Mount Doom. Isildur, after Sauron killed his father, cut the Ring from Sauron's hand. Sauron died, and Isildur had the chance to destroy evil. But he didn't. According the story, Isildur kept the Ring, but was later killed._

_Her mother and father never told her what happened to the Ring after that. Probably because they themselves didn't even know._

_What if this was the One Ring? What did that mean? Sauron was killed. It wasn't possible that he was back, was it?_

_A tall broad-shouldered man was talking. 'So it is true...The doom of men...It is a gift. A gift to the foes of Mordor! Why not use this ring? Long has my father, the Steward of Gondor, kept the forces of Mordorat bay? By the blood of our people are your lands kept safe. Give Gondor the weapon of the Enemy. Let us use it against him!'_

_This Gondor man…he was an idiot. Maybe Enalphiel didn't know much about what was going on, but even she realized that it's not wise to play with evil toys._

_~*~_

"Boromir is not an idiot!" Legolas snarled, thinking of the proud and courageous man of Gondor. "He was ignorant of the power of the Ring and wished only to protect Gondor and it's people!"

Marley rolled her eyes. "Legolas, dear - EVERYBODY knows that the Ring is, like, totally evil and MUST be destroyed. Anybody that wanted to, like, NOT destroy it IS an idiot!"

Erestor stiffened and Elrond and Glorfindel fought back chuckles. His face red, Erestor quickly began reading in an attempt to avoid reliving the Council of Elrond, where he had wished to protect the Ring.

~*~

_Thankfully, Aragorn was going to talk some sense into him. 'You cannot wield it! None of us can. The One Ring answers to Sauron alone. It has no other master.'_

_The Gondor man turned in Aragorn's direction and Enalphiel wanted to smack the man because of the glare he was sending to him. 'And what would a Ranger know of this matter?'_

_Unfortunately, (or maybe fortunately, depending on your point of view) I didn't get the chance to smack him. Legolas jumped up before I could do anything._

_'This is no mere Ranger. He is Aragorn, son of Arathorn. You own him your allegiance.'_

_'Aragorn? This is Isildur's heir?'_

_'And heir to the throne of Gondor!' Legolas replied, eyes flashing. Aragorn was looking uncomfortable about being spoken of as the heir of Gondor. I knew he didn't want to position._

_'Havo dad, Legolas. (Sit down, Legolas)' Aragorn said, softly. He motioned for Legolas to sit, and reluctantly, he did. Legolas still looked angry with the Gondor man though. That's okay. Enalphiel was too._

_The Gondor man stared at Legolas, who returned the gaze unflinchingly, and then turned back to Aragorn. 'Gondor has no king. Gondor needs no king.' He sneered before sitting down._

_~*~_

"I heard that what he REALLY said was 'Gondor has no pants. Gondor needs no pants'." Marley mused, absentmindedly braiding her crimson, ankle length hair.

Thranduil raised an eyebrow. In his corner, Elrond had frozen - an excited look upon his face. He began scribbling furiously in one of his books.

~*~

_Gandalf sent her a reasurring look before speaking. 'Aragorn is right. We cannot use it.'_

_Elrond cleared his throat. 'You have only one choice. The Ring must be destroyed.'_

_The dwarf sitting to my left picked up his ax. 'Then what are we waiting for?' he grunted, as he took a swing._

_There is a flash of light and suddenly the dwarf is on his back, his ax broken into tiny pieces beside him. The Ring is unharmed. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Frodo, the hobbit who had brought the Ring, wince._

_Elrond spoke again. 'The Ring cannot be destroyed, Gimli son of Gloin, by any craft that we here possess. The Ring was made in the fires of Mount Doom. Only there can it be unmade. It must be taken deep into Mordor and cast back into the fiery chasm from whence it came. One of you must do this.'_

_~*~_

"I will go!" Marley stood up, her hand on her heart. "My dragon Saphira and I will go and destroy the Ring. We will take Legolas with us, so that if the Ring manages to overcome me - he will be there to restrain me." She winked at Legolas, swaying her hips in a suggestive manner.

Legolas sank deeper into his seat, pretending not to hear the catcalls coming from Lindir in the hallway.

~*~

_There was a pause._

_Okay, not everyone jump up at once. Enalphiel thought sarcastically. Really, who would go on this suicide mission? Well…besides her, of course._

_Oh, wait, the rude Gondor man decided to speak again. Damn._

_'One does not simply walk into Mordor. Its black gates are guarded by more than just Orcs. There is evil there that does not sleep, and the Great Eye is ever watchful. It is a barren wasteland, riddled with fire and ash and dust. The very air you breathe is a poisonous fume. Not with ten thousand men could you do this. It is folly!'_

_Enalphiel had finally had enough of this man. She jumped up; causing some of the people attending the council to actually realize that she was there and more so – horror of horrors – that she was a woman._

_'What is wrong with you? Yes, the journey will be treacherous and long, and they might fail, but we will never know if we don't even try!! And you!' she said, turning to the Gondor man, catching Aragorn and Gandalf trying to hide their smiles. They always loved to see her get riled up. 'You are from Gondor! They are known for their courage and bravery in battle! You may be afraid of the consequences of this mission, but isn't that a huge part of bravery? Doing something even though you are scared?'_

_~*~_

Elrond was jumping up and down, 'squeeing' so high it was almost inaudible. Elladan grinned wickedly. His father had finally lost his mind, after all these long... so very long... years. He began to mentally plan out what colors he wanted to use when he redecorated the last Homely House.

Elrohir cackled madly. He, too, was plotting. He was plotting on who he would choose for a bride to be the Lady of Rivendell once he overthrew his brother after his brother overthrew their father.

Thranduil shook his head sadly. All the Noldor elves were insane.

~*~

_Everyone in the council stared at the floor, feeling torn between running and hiding and wanting to defend their freedom. Everyone was silent for a minute when Legolas also got fed up._

_'Have you all heard nothing Lord Elrond has said? The Ring MUST be destroyed!'_

_Gimli stood up again, looking Legolas in the eye. 'And I suppose you think you're the one to do it?'_

_~*~_

"It must be quite hard, looking straight into somebody's eyes if they are twice your height." Thranduil spoke dryly, his lips curling in a grin.

Legolas fought back a chuckle, trying to defend his friend's honor while at the same time finding his father's comment very amusing. "Remember, Father - I gave him the title 'Elf-Friend'. No short jokes."

Glorfindel giggled.

~*~

_'And what happens when Sauron takes back what is his? What happens then?'_

_'I will be dead before I see the Ring in the hands of an elf!!'_

_And that was it. That was the spot when everyone stood and began shouting at each other. Elves versus dwarves mostly. Aragorn and Gandalf tried to reason with them, but they wouldn't listen._

_Legolas was holding the elves back, trying to keep order. The dwarves, being the ridiculous creatures they are, kept saying things to them._

_Suddenly, from behind the crowds of arguing people, Enalphiel heard a soft voice, fighting to be heard._

_'I will take it!! I will take it!'_

_Slowly, everyone stopped fighting and turned to look at this remarkably brave hobbit – Frodo._

_'I will take the Ring to Mordor. Though…I do not know the way.'_

_Gandalf smiled and walked over to him. 'I will help you bear this burden, Frodo Baggins, as long as it is yours to bear.'_

_Aragorn followed next, rising from his chair and bowing in front of him. 'If, by my life or death, I can protect you, I will. You have my sword.'_

_Legolas stepped forward. 'And you have my bow.'_

_'And my ax.' Gimli said._

_Enalphiel knew it. This was her chance. The one her grandmother said was coming. It was now or never._

_'You have my knives.' She said, earning many gasps from the council. Gimli looked scandalized._

_~*~_

"You have my KNIVES?!" Elrohir yelled in disbelief. "How cheesy is that!? You just ran out of weapons and you didn't want to look like a copy-cat!" He sulked quietly.

Edain forced his sister to sit down, not letting her do her own heart wrenching speech. He didn't think he would live another day if he heard the words 'and you have my dinner-plate wielding skills' come out of Marley's mouth.

~*~

_'Not just a woman. An elf woman!!'_

_'Are you sure you are up to it, Lady Enalphiel?' Elrondsaid gently. He did not approve of her learning the defense arts, but he knew he had no say._

_'Of course I am.' She said confidently, ignoring the angry look she received from Gimli and the disbelieving look she got from Legolas as she took her place with the rest of the Company._

_After the shock passed, the Gondor man walked over to us. 'You carry the fate of us all, little one. If this is indeed the will of the council, then Gondor will see it done.'_

_Somewhere behind a bush, another hobbit pops out and runs toward us. 'Ere! Mr. Frodo's not goin' anywhere without me!'_

_Elrond looked amused. 'No, indeed. It is hardly possible to separate you, even when he is summoned to a secret council and you are not.'_

_Two more hobbits come out from behind pillars and join us. 'Hey! We're coming too!!'_

_'You'll have to send us home tied up in a sack to stop us.'_

_'Anyway, you'll need people of intelligence of this sort of mission…quest…thing.'_

_'Well, that rules you out, Pip.'_

_Everyone laughed at the two's exchange and Elrond surveyed the group. 'Ten companions. So be it. You shall be the Fellowship of the Ring._

_'Right! So, where are we going?'_

_~*~_

Elrond waved his papers in the air, jumping up and down in excitement. "We are going to Mirkwood!" He screeched happily. "I FOUND A CURE!!!"

* * *

**This chapter is FINALLY done! Finally! It is soothing, to escape into the world of Fanfiction. Sometimes, Real Life can be a little too much to bear.**

**Read and Review please, I read them out loud to Kyle and Phobe. They make us smile.**


	15. More men, girls?

**I apologize for my RIDICULOUSLY slow update - on all of my stories. But Real Life has been keeping me busy. Lots of changes... unpleasant changes, really. Please note that I am writing this at 1:00pm because I am not able to sleep. Therefore, please forgive me for any horribly obvious errors.**

**ON ANOTHER NOTE: Is it just me, or is the Harry Potter fanfiction hopelessly lost forever to the Sues? I mean, in their CHARACTER box, they have the option of OC. *shakes head sadly* It is getting quite scary... the Sues are beginning to win, I think.**

**ANOTHER - ANOTHER NOTE: Never try to have intellectual, deep, mentally stimulating conversations about books on YouTube. I have gotten over twelve VERY angry responses after I said that when you REALLY think about it, Harry Potter DID think of himself as somewhat better than other people - I mean, look at the fifth book. It was getting to his head. And I also said that Snape (favorite character) kept him grounded. Everyone ignored Harry's faults because he was "The Boy Who Lived" - but if they continued to do this, Harry would become "The Boy Who Had An Ego Bigger Than Hagrid". Snape shoved Harry's faults in his face and it helped level things out. But this is MY OPINION and when I write this as a comment on YouTube - I get things like "How dare you, Harry was great!" and "Snape was an evil ba****** who killed Dumbledore". People are very argumentative these days...**

* * *

Rivendell and Mirkwood elves alike listened with rapt attention as Elrond began to explain his theory of a cure - all the while ignoring Marley, who was softly singing a song about limos, somebody called Orlando Bloom, and the best of both worlds - all the while her hair rapidly changing from blond to brown every time she blinked.

"A positive multiplied by a positive is a positive and a negative multiplied by a positive is a negative and a positive multiplied by a negative is a negative." Elrond spoke rapidly, bouncing from foot to foot in his excitment, his eyes bright. His smile faultered slightly when his audience met his gaze with blank stares. He sighed, speaking slower and more clearly. "A Mary-Sue is a negative being. They are BAD."

Elrohir and Elladan nodded their heads passionately while Glorfindel and Erestor made soft sounds of agreement. Legolas hesitated - avoiding the adoring look in Marley's eyes - which had, for the moment - returned to brown. Thranduil looked his son in the eyes, giving him an amazing, silent fatherly pep-talk about how things will all work out that with nothing but his EYES. Edain's left eye twitched when his sister giggled helplessly, her eyes glazed as though she was intoxicated.

"BeeCUHz of YOU I nevuh strayed too far fruhm the siudewalk..." Marley sang, exaggerating the words - attempting to make it a dramatic scene... and failing.

Elrond scowled. "This is not Lothlorion Idol." He snapped. "And karaoke was in the last chapter. Now pay attention - all of you!" And he proceeded his explanation of the cure.

"As I said, a Mary-Sue is a negative being. They are BAD. An elf such as Legolas is a positive being. He is GOOD. If you put a negative being and a positive being together - they will BOTH become BAD and they will multiply and populate Middle Earth with horrible little brats..." Elrond paused when he felt Thranduil's glare upon his face. He quickly ceased ranting. "So a Mary-Sue and Legolas is a BAD thing. But if you put two negatives together, it will become a positive."

There was silence. Finally, Legolas spoke up. "Are you trying to tell me that I am going to have to get another Sue?"

Elrond shook his head. "This would be easiest, but no. Your wife's popularity ratings are down. There is already too much Sueism in this story, it will turn the readers away. I was just explaining what would be EASIEST. But we like to take the high road-"

"LIFE IS A HIGH WAY AND I WANT TO DRIVE IT, ALL NIGHT LONG!" Marley screeched.

"HIGH ROAD! NOT HIGH WAY!" Erestor screamed at her, shocking her into silence.

Her eyes cleared slightly - and her fingers trembled. "Get me that Valar-forsaken cure." She whispered hoarsly, her voice loosing some of the melodic...ness of a Sue. But as suddenly as the breif moment of sanity had appeared, it was gone.

Legolas felt light headed, a soft tingling in his neck beginning to grow uncomfortable. Elrond paled as he saw the prince reach up to scratch his neck. "We must finish the last chapter quickly - before the Kiss returns. All the Sue tales must be told in order for it to be gone for good!" He cried out dramatically- and the book was thrown to King Thranduil, who looked at it's pink, sparkly glory with mild distaste before opening it and beginning to read.

~*~

Morrowind's Town Secret by Cristyn Remy Lebeau

_So it came to be the fellowship was chosen,and had set out on the quest to destroy the ring. Legolas was the first to hear it,the screaming coming from the farming village of Morrowind,he alerted the others they decided to help since they were close by. They stepped upon the soil of Morrowind to see blood and bodies everywhere,about ten orcs lay wounded,but the town was destroyed. A little doll lie in a puddle of blood by it's owner a little girl,Frodo let a tear slip,"Did this ring cause all this damage Gandalf?" Frodo asked._

_~*~_

"Yes, Frodo." Glorfindel spoke sarcastically. "The Ring that is on your NECK personally murdered the people."

Erestor raised an eyebrow. "They decided to help since they were close by? This is ridiculous. It makes it sound as though they walk about villages echoing with screams on a common basis - AND it makes it sound as though they even had the thought of not helping!"

"The poor, poor doll and it's little girl owner..." Marley sobbed. Edain patted her shoulder hesitantly. She may be a Sue, but she was still his sister.

~*~

_"No,this was something else,but it has to do with Sauron still,they were looking for something or someone."Gandalf said,as he saw that all the men were dead around one house. The swinging sign said'Sparrow Inn',Legolas being the swiftest of feet entered,the innkeeper lie dead over her register,he heard the faint whimper,and neared it,"There is someone in here."he yelled to the others._

_~*~_

Thranduil pulled a red pen from his pocket - ignoring for the moment that it wasn't from Middle Earth. He quickly began to make marks on the page, crossing out words and writing in some. After a few seconds of silence, he began to read again, but it wasn't the words of the Sue-Writer.

"Etched upon a sign above the doorway were written the words, _Sparrow Inn_. Legolas, possessing the swift feet of the elves, entered the house first. The innkeeper - a woman with graying hair and dull, dead eyes - had collapsed on the counter, her blood still dripping upon the floor. The faintest whimper could be heard, and Legolas darted to the sound - yelling to the others as he did so, "There is someone in here!"

Glorfindel looked impressed, while Erestor looked annoyed.

"That is still a horrible sentence." He said.

Thranduil shrugged in a very 'King at ease' way. "I am not a writer and I had little to work with. But at least I can look at it now without my eyes bleeding."

Elladan looked at the sea of red markings on the paper, his eyes wide. "It looks like your eyes DID bleed. Did it really have that many mistakes?"

"He is a picky person." Legolas said - a slight smile on his lips. "And he sees errors where there really are none. He is not perfectly happy unless he does it himself."

~*~

_A trapdoor opened as a woman climbed out,though she hardly had any clothes,she still had them,a knife was strapped to her right leg,her hair fell four inches above her knees,the light seemed to glisten off the ebony colored hair. Her lips a soft pink and her eyes a light blue,as she bent down to pick up her bow and arrows,her hair fell away showing her elven ears._

_"Saesa omentien lle ."Legolas said as the girl stared at him blankly._

_~*~_

And so did all the elves in the room. Glorfindel looked at the prince, confused. "What does that mean?"

Legolas shrugged, as confused as they were. "The Legolas in the story is a different Legolas than here. This Legolas has no idea what that means."

Erestor and Elrond smirked as Thranduil buried his head in his hands, mumbling something about speaking in the third person. They always knew that it would be Legolas that broke the king.

~*~

_"He said Pleasure meeting you m'lady" Aragorn said to her._

_"The pleasure is mine alone ."she said walking to Legolas,"my name is Midashia Windsparrow,the people that found me as an infant 2000 years ago,named the tavern after the last part of my name,after that since they were such great citizen it was written in the history of the town,that my identity shall be changed to keep their secret safe."_

_"An elf raised by humans and a human raised by elves."Gilmi siad._

_~*~_

"I hate this story." Edain murmured softly.

Elladan patted the Mirkwood elf's shoulder comfortingly. "We all do... we all do."

~*~

_Midashia looked at the horse behind Aragorn,happy,as it walked around him,to reveal a fully grown white stallion , across it's back lie a blanket with her name on it,it's black mane and tail._

_~*~_

Thranduil twitched. "Horrible sentence structure... must... be... fixed..." He mumbled, looking for the red pen.

Marley smiled happily and handed him a pen. "Here you go, Daddy-O!" She trilled.

Thranduil paused for a moment before sighing and taking the pen. "Thank you, Marley." He said, pitying the elf woman before him as she happily began humming a teen pop song.

The Elvenking furiously began writing on the book, coughing slightly as he breathed in some glitter. Finished, he shoved the book towards Glorfindel. The Mirkwood king had had enough. The balrog slayer had been long overdue for a turn in reading. Glorfindel gulped and hesitantly started to read - beginning with Thranduil's edited version of the last sentence.

~*~

_Midashia peered behind Aragorn, giving a small cry of happiness as a horse appeared, a blanket with her name stiched in drapped across it's snowy back. The powerful beast was a stallion, white as the foam of the sea with the exception of it's mane and tail, which was of the darkest ebony._

_"I say she go with us,'Legolas said,as Frodo agreed shaking his head,"it isn't safe leaving her here alone the orcs wanted her for some reason."_

_~*~_

The elves all looked at Thranduil with something akin to fear. Except, that is, Marley - who was gazing at Thranduil with adoring eyes. "That was wonderful, m'Lord." She whispered reverently.

Thranduil glared at the others. "At least it has proper sentence structure!" He snapped.

"You are the one that keeps stocking the library with romance novels." Legolas whispered, looking at his father with new eyes.

~*~

_She mounted her horse and followed them out of the inn taking the weapons she had on her and following the Fellowship as they headed towards the mountains. She rode silently,but something in her appearance was a little unnerving something beneath the surface. Midashia looked at gandalf, showing she did not like the added attention. "After we arrive in the lorien,I will bid farewell to you all,for then I will know where my path truly lies."_

_Legolas eyed her in an almost cautious manner,he knew something just did not fit. He directed his questioning towards Aragorn in a whisper,"How do we now we can trust her,it seems if the orcs were sent to kill her they would have not gone through the trouble of searching?"_

_"Maybe Gandalf knows but I fear that this will not end happily,she already acts as if her path is a lonely one." Aragorn said,as the elf rode in front of them._

_~*~_

"So I go from wanting to protect her... to not trusting her... and for the same reason?" Legolas spoke, confused.

Elrond shrugged. "It doesn't matter." He peered at the prince's neck - breathing a sigh of relief as the last of the redness faded away. "You are cured!"

"YES!" Elladan and Elrohir screamed before bolting out of the room, shouting lists of food that they were planning on devouring once they reached the kitchens.

Legolas glared at their quickly disappearing forms. "So much for caring." He muttered sourly. He turned to Elrond. "Now what about my wife - what do we do with her? Why do we need to go to Mirkwood?"

The remaining elves listened quietly as Elrond finally finished explaining. "Many people believe that the only way to cure a Sue is to show her reality. This is a flawed theory - due to the fact that most of the Sues end up dead or seriously injured." He gulped when he saw Legolas and Thranduil glaring murderously at him. "Which, of course, we cannot risk." He spoke quickly. "Marley is in there, deep down. Think of it as being a prisoner in your own body - unable to control your actions. We need to get Marley to fight back against this disease, from the inside."

"And how are we going to do that?" Glorfindel asked, watching with slight amusement as Marley did the 'I'm a little teapot' dance.

"We need to annoy her. We need to act as though we are in a Mary-Sue story, reenacting everything. The true Marley will become so annoyed the Sue!Marley will have no hope of surviving."

Legolas was silent for a few seconds. "Most of the Sue stories have multiple smut scenes." He spoke slowly.

"It is a possibility." Elrond said gravely.

"Think of it as role-playing." Erestor tried to be helpful. "Think of the changing hair, body shapes, temperament, and eye color as her dressing up - not as a different woman."

Legolas glared. "THAT DOES NOT HELP!" He snapped.

Thranduil thought quietly for a few moments before speaking thoughtfully. "She could always be the first Mormon!Sue."

"What is a More-muhn?" Glorfindel asked slowly.

Marley squealed and jumped up and down before starting to sing loudly and slightly off key...

"Oh, when a Mormon girl walks down the street,  
She looks 100 per from head to feet.  
She's got the smile, that style, that winning way.  
And when you look at her you'll recognize her and you'll say:  
"Now there's a girl I'd like to know.  
"She's got the great L-D-S pep and go."  
And when you see her it is quite a treat,  
It's hard to beat a Mormon Girl.  
M-O-R-E-M-E-N, MORE MEN, MORE MEN SING IT AGAIN!"

Legolas glared at his father. "More MEN does not sound appealing. We need a new idea."

* * *

**... I couldn't help myself...**

**Please review!**

**Note: No, this is not going to turn into one of those Religous!Sue converts Legolas stories. It was just for a bit of fun. I used to sing that song at Girl's Camp with friends. I just thought it was funny because I was thinking of how all the Sues are scantily dressed teen girls and how much different it would be if there was a Mormon!Sue. It was just for humor, all right people?**


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